In need of advice/help concerning negative entities
Hello, let me start off by introducing myself. My Name is Nathan, I'm 29 and a psychedelic noob. My reasoning for writing this post is I've recently had to deal with something in my life that is completely new to me.
A few months ago around August I tried shrooms for the first time. I picked some bruised blue ones out of a field and made it into a tea that me and my gf drank. I can't remember the dose but I accounted for the wet material. We both were having a good time sitting on the couch watching trippy visuals on the TV. When I realized out of the corner of my eye I could see the grim reaper standing in my kitchen along with something crouching next to it and another figure standing next to it. If I turned to focus on them they were gone. The rest of the trip was negative, at one point my gf said she was so happy she needed me to kill her. I struggled the rest of the night against what I thought was the urge to kill her, I can't see me actually doing that but it's beside the point. Laid in bed for a long time trying to sleep before finally being able to. I haven't tried shrooms since then.
Right after doing shrooms my life took a turn down. Shortly after we found out my gf was pregnant. After the first ultrasound there were complications and I was missing work so I could go to the doctor with her. Started having tooth pain, missed work to get it pulled. I ended up hitting a tree that had fallen in the road after school one night and did 4k worth of damage and missed a day of work. Long story short I end up getting fired. I'm currently in an apprenticeship so I had to go in front of a committee for being fired I always didn't get a paycheck for 8 weeks. It just seemed like one thing after another going wrong. Doctors were giving us the run around. My girlfriend was having worse pregnancy symptoms and they still couldn't find a baby on an ultrasound. They finally told us it was just a sac and no baby and she would miscarry normally. She never did fully and continued to throw up and pass clots until finally months later she passed it. I settled into a new job but it was a 2 hour drive one way working 10 hour days 6 days a week. I kept having really bad luck the entire time.
We eventually decided to try LSD and it was amazing. It physically felt awesome and we came out of it happy. Fast forward a month and we decide to try DMT. I don't remember much from my trip. I definitely blasted off. I feel as if I saw reptilian eyes right before it went dark. I was overcome with my love for my gf, I kept telling her I loved her. Came down around 30 minutes later. On the way down I felt like it turned a little and I thought I'd be insane forever. I feel like the DMT brought me a lot closer to my gf and admitting to her and myself just how much she meant to me.
This is where my problem lies now. I've done LSD since the DMT and it was completely negative. I've never really been a spiritual person, I favor science and pragmatism. After I did the shrooms and saw those beings I feel as if something attached to me. Things got bad but manageable. After I did DMT is when it got worse. I can't stop thinking about death. I look at people and can see their dead faces. I have all these negative thoughts constantly to the point that I try and verbally tell myself to stop. I never used to fear death, I grew up on motorcycles and have been skydiving and going again in a fews months. I fear death now, not pain but leaving my gf behind with kids. Never seeing her face again or feeling her love. The moment my mind goes dark into nothingness. I think about if she goes before me how will I manage. All stuff I never used to worry about.
I'm out of my element. I don't know what to do to stop this. I feel like something negative is feeding off me, specifically those 3 entities. The moment I realized something was attached, the back of my neck lit up with sensation. I have since had yelling matches in my car on my way from work telling it to leave and the feeling was unlike anything I have felt in my life. I felt like I was in a battle of wills, my fist clenched and my neck buzzing and tensing up.
I'm sorry for the book, I just don't know what else to do. I feel as if theyll completely consume me. I feel mentally exhausted from all the negative feelings and thoughts. Thank you for your time and reading this and I appreciate any responses or help.
You've categorized yourself as a 'noob', but have exposed yourself to some pretty serious chemicals. You probably shouldn't have continued to try new drugs after having such a poor experience. I'm especially shocked that you tried DMT, being a 'noob' and having poor experiences, being as this is the chemical that is released naturally when we die.
Drugs have the ability to awaken dormant genes for mental illnesses as well as provide visuals to negative thoughts/feelings/experiences that we have (subconcious or not).These visuals and feelings that you described are probably normaldrug-induced hallucinations and thoughts (especially if you were not sure about your dose).
You will not be able to just forget what you experienced, but what you experiences isn't far fetched or crazy. Just accept it as the experience you had and work on your spirituality if you feel that's what you need to do.
I am truly sorry to hear about your recent luck and theloss you and your partnersuffered.
So let me try to understand this. You took an unknown amount of hallucinogenic mushrooms which led to this strange urge to kill your girlfriend. Following this your life went downhill in multiple ways and you seem to attribute this in some way to taking the mushrooms yet you then go on to do LSD and DMT both of which left you feeling horrible afterward as well as resulting in you experiencing more thoughts surrounding death. Let me be frank, the mushrooms did not give you bad luck or attach some evil spirit to you rather they just made you paranoid. Everything that happened was a coincidence and in at least one case somewhat avoidable if I'm being honest.
The use of these drugs would have gotten you fired regardless when, and I say when not if, you were eventually caught as while I don't know where you worked I doubt they'd want someone on hallucinogens working there. All your problems and issues boil down to the use of drugs and there in lies the solution. You need to first of all stop using drugs and second possibly seek help to deal with the aftermath. You may say you haven't used any since it got worse but the impact of using such drugs tend to linger afterward. I understand a desire to escape reality but it seems like the alternative outlook on life you received is not a better one.