HI I am new and feeling lost trying to find some answers from people who know more of the spiritual stuff. I have this strange feeling inside of me that feels like it is trying to claw it's way out. Like it's growling and screaming to be free. I lost my grandpa when I was young he met everything to me. I stared to space out a lot but now when I space out I find myself growling and closing my fist so hard it bleeds. My body gets warm I just don't feel human anymore. I try not to lose myself but it's hard. Been having bad dreams, in one I'm standing in a field hot with fire. Everything feels so real I can feel the heat and Evan smell burning flesh. I'm sorry if I scare anybody I just am to afraid to talk to any of my friends about this. They will just think I'm crazy.
Welcome to SoM. With that growling darkness inside of you, a demon may have taken possession of you, so thats why you have those feelings. As for the dreams, they may be future insights on your afterlife. What religion do you practice?
Re: My inner darkness? By: Wind_Kitsune / Beginner Feb 15, 2018
Post # 4
You have lost someone dear to you and you are I am guessing young. You're feeling depression and a lot of negative emotions that could be contributing to these nightmares. There is a chance that a demon or some sort of entity is involved yet more likely than not you are simply bein overwhelmed by your current situation. Everyone has darkness inside them and sometimes in dark times it feels as if it will overwhelm you. This sounds like a platitude or hallmark card yet these events can make you stronger if you let them. You are in control not this innner darkness or even some outside entity. Just rememebr even in the darkest times there is always a glimmer of light.
Re: My inner darkness? By: Spirit76 / Beginner Feb 15, 2018
Post # 5
Personally I would not leap directly to posession so quickly. Wisdom begins with the mundane. To that end there are other things to explore first.
If this began after the loss of your grandfather, it might be worth reflecting on how his passing on (and the circumstances around it) has affected you. It may be that somewhere inside you are feeling a lot of anger or resentment over it. Did you get an opportunity for closure? IE; Were you able to see him and say farewell before he died? If not, have you been able to do something to say farewell after? Have you allowed yourself to grieve and let out the loss? It is a pretty common recognition that one needs to let it flow before the mind will let things go. Until you recognise and acknowledge your grief, it may twist itself around in a variety of ways.
Anger, resentment, and depression are all normal things to feel. The challenge lies in letting it out in a way that leaves you with a feeling of closure and upliftment. This allows you to remember him not for the loss, but for what he taught you that you continue to carry in his memory.
Fair warning fr9m here. What I suggest that you do is also likely one of the most challenging things to have the wherewithall to see through to completion. It involves literally reaching out and embracing what people, by nature, want to run away from, deny, hide away, or otherwize lock away. But I argue that is the point of spirituality. To face yourself and to heal the hurts. You can't do that without first making yourzelf aware of them.
Take a few days or weeks to put meditation on your daily routine. If you don't know much about the practice send me a mail and I'll help you get started with the process. As you meditate willfully put yourself into a state of calm, and use that to observe this darkness. If it helps, imagine it as another person and have a conversation. Ask it why it is so angry. What is it trying to tell you. Where did it come from. Listen to it and what it has to say. Acknowledge the feelings and thoughts it brings forward. Talk them out like you would with a close friend who came to you with these issues. Work to understand what is happening, and allow it to belp you better yourself in some way.
Emotions are like upset children in that they want to be heard. And the more you ignore them or push them away the louder tbey get until you are dither overwhelmed by them, or until you finally stop and genuinely listen. Then you'll find tbey aren't yelling or kicking up so much of a fuss any more. Because tbey no longer have to.
I hope this helps. Fire me a mail any time if you want to talk. I might not see it right away but I always eventually reply.
Thank you, I am 26 I lost him many years ago. I used to think about him whenever I was having a bad day. Nothing like this happend. It used to make feel like good, kind sad to but for most happy that he was in my heart no matter what. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. Maybe it's all just pushing me down and I'm having trouble. I came here because the feeling is so strange never been much of a spiritual person but this is way beyond anything I haver felt before. Thank you again I'll try to put meditation into my schedule everyday.
Re: My inner darkness? By: Spirit76 / Beginner Feb 15, 2018
Post # 7
I can relate to that. And even if it isn't related to your grandfather it should at least help give some insight on what is going on. If you can identify, or at least narrow down, where these experiences are coming from then it will give a direction to act on.
However the source reveals itself to you, try your best to hunt down where/how it started. When you're yanking at weeds the best place to put your grip is at the root, after-all. ^_^
I'll definitely try the meditation. If spirit or anybody has some info on any that might help I will be very grateful. I just want this feeling to go away. Went through depression during school and have gotten much better at dealing with it as a adult. I worry about the spiritual side of things. I don't want to lose control while meditating. Can barely sleep anymore, my nightmares just feel way to real. Thank everyone for the reply on the post. I'll try my best to be strong.