|Membership: Member |
Hi, I don't have a name because I reject conventional social habits, and I'm a hipster. I'm cooler than you, I listen to better music than you, and I'm smarter than you. The only person on this planet who maybe had a chance at rivaling me in general intellectual superiority is maybe Kurt Vonnegut. Maybe. The most exciting thing that happened to me this week was I thought I saw Spike Jonze in the thrift store and I fainted. Which I'm a little ashamed to admit because it's typical rather than ironic, but I admit it anyway because if by some chance that was actually Spike and I went on for the rest of my life thinking it wasn't, that would make this the most ironic moment of my entire life and the ghost of Andy Warhol (because I reject conventional religious figures) will smile upon me for it. I have a totally post-modern tattoo of a scalene triangle, see 'cause equilateral is just not chaotic enough for my taste, and isosceles are so mainstream. I liked American Apparel even before the rest of the world did. You know, before it started showing up in those compost heaps people call "outlet malls". I adore philosophy. You know, the whole field and the geniuses behind it, especially existentialism you know with Camus, Sartre, Petrov, Macquarrie. I can feel their spirits just rushing through my veins every time I take a picture with my fisheye lens of the smoke from my parliament cigarettes. And it's just a really enlightening experience, so I try to do that as much as possible. I used to post those on my Tumblr, only after I had finished re-blogging at least 400 blurry polaroids that spoke to the deepest reaches of my inner psyche of course, but then I had to delete the account right after I posted my favorite picture entitled "Brutal Reality". And I'll tell you why. So I look at the caption under the photo, and I see that the tops of the T's are slanted! I just had to take a step back, I felt like I was gonna throw up and not because I'm a raw vegan and I only ate like a baby carrot that day, but because I had to question for the love of M. Ward what was going on there? Seriously internet? Do we know nothing at all about typography here? I'm a purist when it comes to Helvetica and I just felt sick when I realized I was typing in Arial. It was one of the more traumatic moments of my life, it's very difficult for me to talk about. But talking to you you all today and seeing how desperately mainstream you are made me realize that my life could be a lot worse.
Oh, hey. I have to tell you something really terrible that happened to me today. Well, I heard an Animal Collective CD being played in a bookshop. I know right? What?! Of course we do! We're practically obligated now to burn their vinyls and concert tickets we bought with the money we pretend that we're bereft of. Are you kidding me?! Look, I know that you were looking forward to jamming out live to their psychedelic and discordant synth tunes that sound more like an orgy of broken computers than real music, but do you seriously wanna listen to a band after their music has been played in a store, I mean a public venue for consumerism? What do you wanna be, mainstream? Listen, I'm sorry, but I gotta go take introspective pictures of myself and put stupid captions on them. Alright, bye.
Ha. So if you couldn't tell, that was a joke. Mail me if you really wanna know anything. (: