I am hoping for some input or assistance. All suggestions are welcome. I am going through through two separate but very difficult situations simultaneously. In addition, its not the usual hard time. Dealing with one at a time would be serious enough. At the moment I have both to deal with at once. I work with candles often and can usually find peace in strengthening my protections. I cant this time. Both issues have truly crossed a line and it angers me to no end. I cant get past it. I cant stop thinking about it. Most importantly, I cant protect myself. When I attempt to meditate or start a candle circle, I can not keep a calm peaceful mind. I begin with anointing and lighting candles for peace, strength, and protection but my brain wanders off into why / what I am protecting myself from, then the anger works into my ritual. I stop as soon as I realize it. I dont want to send out negative energy. I am in no way purposely trying to cast a revenge spell. Im afraid that is actually what will happen if I dont stop when the negative thoughts and anger set in during a candle session. In the meantime, I feel like my defenses are weak. I havent been able to complete peace, strength, protection in over a month. Does anyone have any suggestions or comments ? Has anyone worked through something like this ? How do I keep myself protected from these situations and their causes if I cant put up my protections?
I don't know the situation [and I know it's not this easy] but try to let it go [let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore!... sorry] journaling about it can help, write a letter to the person [or about the situation] and burn it can help you release it. Don't hold back, let the anger out on the page. You are not cursing the person, you are releasing your pain.
You could also ground, you could do it visually or you could go and hug a tree, whatever works best for you to drop the energy into the ground to be cleansed and return to the earth.
I would also cleanse yourself and your home since this energy is stuck to you pretty bad. There's many options to do this, use the one you like best.
In the (limited) time I've been practicing, and in the years of experience I've had with other focus-based disciplines like art and writing, I've found that it's best to take a small break when frustration and stress becomes overwhelming. You don't have to take a complete, long break, of course--when I struggle with art, I usually take a couple days off and then experiment with a new, less realistic and more relaxing style. I always come away from my breaks with a new, helpful angle to my art; when I've gone away from my more spiritual practices to research and recharge, it's been the same way. Perhaps you could try something similar?
While you step back a bit to restore yourself, you could try lighting a candle outside of a more ritualistic setting--pick a color and/or scent that corresponds with your intent, and let it burn while you work on something that calms you. Personally, I'd go with a light blue candle and paint a small, abstract canvas with whatever colors call to me, or maybe physically write down some peaceful quotes in the candlelight. I'm a tactile person, so the best thing I can do to focus when I'm stressed is make something--something with no pressure and no need for it to be good, since what I find my peace in is the act of creation itself. You could also try making a cup of tea--lavender, jasmine, chamomile, and rose are my favorite choices for a calming herbal tea.
It sounds like you might have a mental block--from my time in gymnastics, that was something that happened when a person who was fully capable of doing something got in their own head and kept worrying that they couldn't, or even flat-out telling themselves that they couldn't do a certain skill. Again, my advice, and the advice I think most coaches would give, is to step away for a moment. My best coach made sure that after I had a bad fall, I'd do a drill/easier version of the skill I fell on so that I didn't feel totally defeated by it. Give yourself small victories to build yourself up until you feel confident enough to take on what you've been struggling with. Anxiety will argue with you as long as you let it, and keep telling you how you're doing something wrong or not doing enough, but 'no' is a complete sentence: you don't have to engage with that part of your mind when it's being actively unhelpful.
In my experience--which of course may not be right for you!--taking a break from something (which is perhaps more taking a break from overthinking something) is the best way to recover. I'm absolutely not suggesting you stop practicing that which helps you, simply that you temporarily step back from that which is becoming frustrating and what you seem to fear might be getting dangerous. Please forgive me if I misunderstand the situation! I simply hope this helps, in some small way, and I hope you get around to feeling better soon.
Thanks for responding. I love that you paint during ritual. I often paint / decorate my candles or the area surrounding them ;)
Stepping back or taking a break from my candle sessions is something to think about. Ive taken pseudo breaks in the past, not necessarily planned or on purpose. Life gets in the way sometimes - babies, family, career responsibilities ect. When I find myself in that situation I try to do it all mentally. I imagine decorating candles, anointing and lighting them, then speak the ritual all in my head. Im not sure Im in a good enough place to actually step back all together for a little bit. I feel like now is when I really need it. I keep circling back to the idea that Ill be ok if I can find a way to get through a full session. It has always works for me - but I see your point. Maybe I should take a different approach? Instead of a peace, strength, protection candle session in which I usually speak my purpose, ect. Perhaps I can try coordinating crystal displays with the same symbolic purpose. I carry magnets with me to atttact positive energy - maybe I can start carrying a small mirror to reflect negativity or something along those lines. If I can find an option that works with the limited need to speak an explanation of purpose (to avoid wandering off into my problems or bringing negativity into it) I might be ok. I have a home cleansing planned tomorrow. If that doesnt help, Ill work on a new direction
Have you thought about using your anger to make your working stronger? Emotions are powerful tethers and is a strong push for your intent. Sometimes doing a working while angry is actually beneficial. If you need protecting or strength, draw on your anger to do that. Magic is not white and black, so using your more "darker" emotions is perfectly fine. It's all about finding the balance within you, and sometimes to accomplish that you have to focus on the more "negative" emotions.
I put darker and negative into quotations because it is a common belief that using your note intense emotions is deemed bad which it is not. Every emotion is a part of you and serves a purpose, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling that emotion. So sometimes focusing on the anger is actually a good thing, since psychologically anger stems fromself preservation, so in actuality, focusing on anger to protect yourself is actually a good thing.
Anger isn't always a negative energy, but it's a powerful one. If you keep finding yourself angry when you try to do whatever it is you're doing, maybe that's an indication of your subconscious trying to tell you that you should use and direct this stronger, more potent energy into your working. Perhaps you will achieve better or more lasting results that way.
Thank you Secile and KAlt. Ive never come across anything about using my anger to strengthen my rituals - but I googled it. There is certainly a plethora of information on the subject. I went over a month without being able to complete a peace, strength, protection session. That is a big deal for me, as the ritual is truly something Ive come to depend on. I was worried about putting the negative energy out. For that reason I stopped every time I negative thoughts entered my mind during ritual. Im in a better place at the moment. I worked through the ritual. I didnt use my anger. I hadnt read your comments yet. In listening to other comments, I wondered what would happen if I simply tried to redirect my thoughts from negative to positive during ritual, in an effort to complete it. I did just that, I redirected. I was able to complete the my ritual and I have been able to do the same ever since. My previous thoughts about anger or negativity during a ritual might have been off. I now believe if my intentions arent negative - if it isnt a revenge spell, or anything in that area of darkness that my anger isnt necessarily an issue. I dont think a personal peace, strength, protection session could be unintentionally cast as a revenge spell as I did earlier. I was really worried about that. Thank you for your insight. Ive had a really great group of responses from this post and I have truly learned from, and appreciate every one of them.
Thanks again !