I would really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and offer some advise. I will probably have a few different threads as I have a few different issues but do not want to overwhelm anyone reading with all of them at once. I am currently 17, i have always had an interest in the occult but it peaked when I was 12 or 13 and I began seriously researching and practicing the occult.
I began gathering supplies, and during this time I was forced to go to a pentecostal church with my family. Someone in the church found out and told my parents I was a satan worshipper, my mom threw all of my stuff away, and i went through some really uncomfortable experiences with people trying to "pray the demons out of me" this is somewhat irrelevant, but, i ended up actually moving out for two years because i refused to give up my faith, and still do, but am living with my parents again.
Back then, my will was so strong. I seems to pull from an endless stream of power within my soul and direct it towards my goals. My spells were all very effective. I would cast spells and days later see the results before my eyes. I cursed my ex (he cheated on me with my best friend, and i didnt care about moral conviction at the time) and his mom died. My magick was very real.
However, I have a very difficult time accessing that stream of power now days and I have narrowed it down to three reasons that are probably causing my issue.
Firstly, i saw so many results before my eyes i began relying on that for verification.
Secondly, i used cannabis a lot spiritually at my uncles house, and now I am unable.
Also, I went through some pretty rough and traumatic experiences at my uncles.
I know what i need to do moving forward, I need to have faith in myself and that magick is real, and my power is real. But I am having a very difficult time doing that. Can anyone offer suggestions or advise?
Gaining faith in self