So I am on parole and due to discharge in a few months, but I am going through this process that I have not decided yet what to name it, sometimes I call it ascension or waking up, it has symptoms similar to kundalini. Whatever the case, it has me a total wreck most of the time. I know that I am not delusional, I am crazy but not the certifiable type, or at least not until this happened. Sometimes I feel normal or at least good but good for me these days is like "the world is mine, I am magic and untouchable" But that changes literally at the drop of a dime. And I'm stuck replaying thoughts of how much I must look like a complete idiot and what is wrong with me, what's real, what isn't? I experienced a very significant moment that I can not exactly just announce with out fear of both being thought of as out of my mind, and if the person believes me , will they want to harm me or something. I am so scared of the judicial system and police and anybody who works for them. I avoided my p.o. appointment and every time I think I am going to call, I don't. So Iwe need advice on what is happening and is there any chance of getting this to disappear or me disappearing. I'm sure a spell isn't a realistic option for a way out of my issue but if you witnessed even 1/4 of things that are not considered realistic like I have this past year. You might understand why I believe that it's worth the effort to try anyway. Please just respond with anything but get an attorney or something like that. Thank you for any advice. ..
Sometimes the only way to get past a place is to walk right through, accpeting what obstacles may be. Some cannot be avoided by going around.
It sounds to me like you're experiencing anxiety. And that is understandable, considering the gravity of your situation. But you are required to make those appointments, and avoiding them will by no means benefit you.
The only things I can suggest are meditaions and determination. Mindfulness techniques will help you come back to the moment in stead of being anxious about the past or future. There are also techniques, guided meditations, etc., to help relieve stress and anxiety.
So you messed up at some point. You've paid the price, and you've been working to better yourself. That is not crazy; it is exactly what you were supposed to do with your sentence: seek self-improvement to change your behavior.
As a former PO don't avoid him/her. Honestly you have a great deal of anxiety towards them due to what you have gone through. But at the end of the day, they only look good if you complete your time with out revocation or violations. So just attend your required meetings, get all the crap on your conditions done. (I would love to discharge early when clients finished conditions early. The rule of thumb is usually client must complete 1/2 of the allotted sentence, so if you are on probation/parole for 6 years, if you are clean and doing really good, early discharge can be requested at 3 years.) But it sounds like you will be discharged soon, so just stick to it.
I agree a lot that this sounds like anxiety. Also consider if you have abused drugs and you are now in the withdrawal stage, this can be very difficult and cause additional stress.
The one thing that is never addressed with offenders is the need for mental health services, and I mean this in the sense of being able to talk to someone non-biased about everything. Therapy in all of its forms (mental health, physical, emotional etc..) helps heal the body. Heck just getting a massage in will make a world of difference with your emotional well being as much as helping your muscles relax and recover.
I would start with a clear mind and goals. Start with little goals that are reachable. You have a ton of energy and anxiety so I would start looking into meditation and grounding. Grounding will help when you have that feeling of invincibility, which may lead to poor decisions. You want to ground yourself and connect back with the earth.