Rebellion or Truth?

Blessed Be....I am a younger magick practicer and I am in desperate need of guidance from any like minded and experienced individual. I would greatly appreciate any advice; I can barely continue to guide myself through this Wiccan journey. All of my life I've been attracted to magick. But last year it all took a large turn, and now I am in the aftermath of many situations that leaves me wondering who I am now. When I was fifteen, I had another "on" moment with magick. So I logged back on my first account and eventually met a close friend on here. I am a writer, and usually my writing balances out how much magick I do and creates an equal balance between both. At that time I unexpectedly lost my second novel and I was devastated. I followed my friend and studied harder on Wicca. It got to the point that it affected parts of my life. Months into it, everything went to the worst and I reconnected with a boy who I dated in the past. We started dating again and he was strictly against magick. Throughout the months he faked a demon possession to try scaring me out of my new faith. I was crushed and still am. Now, I'm on a break from practice to revisit my writing before I proceed with religious issues. Everything has dawned on me and I feel as if I've lost myself, as if I'm no one for not having writing or Wicca. I feel I may be lying to myself about my love for Wicca and using it as an escape from writing failure. My friend and I aren't doing so well too. I also feel as if she was an influence. But then, I feel passion for this like always. I am very confused with myself. The past year has taken a toll on me and I'm not sure what to do. I wanted help from those that started witchcraft as a young teen that transitioned into their young adulthood. Is this rebellion or is this true? I need some insight.

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To find oneself, sometimes one must simply look. Seek a mirror, look deep into the reflection of yourself. You are looking at a book in mortal form, and it is up to you to write that book with your actions. While you look at things in pessimism perhaps you need to seek a taste of optimism, just to balance that a little more.

Stick with what you feel, your intuition will guide you if you listen.

From what I sense, fear of change is keeping you at bay. If you like I can help guide you further into knowing yourself and being yourself.

I need guidance. Period.

Wise words by Makroo. I agree 100%

Some times I lose sight on who I am, but I find my self again when I go in nature. For me nature has always felt like my home, maybe finding where you are ur happiest can help. My mom used to say before she passed that "to find who you are you first need to show that your who you want to be, not what the crowd of people want you to be, then you know who you can and will be" I hope this helps u, blessed be

i like what Makoo and chainedbeast said.

meditate, find somewhere to sit and reflect. you don't need to practice magic to be Wiccan, you should tell your nah saying friends that. i'm not telling you to be mean and turn your backs on them, if they wish to do these things, explain a couple facts about what you believe, and if they still don't believe you, you are better off without them. again, do what you feel is right.

there have been times where i've felt similar, i wonder if this path is right for me, i have a coven make up of mostly friends, but we each believe something different and a couple of our people in the coven are rather negative when it comes to others beliefs. i close off a bit and stop practicing. i too am a writer, and an artist, so i focus my energies on other things. eventually though, i return. i could be nothing, it could be a nice day out, or it could be i feel like meditating, or a dream i had. but something will always remind me of my path, and i return and i feel so wonderful. i don't let my faith consume me, and i don't brag it up to other people, but there's just a feeling i get. i guess it's the same feeling anyone gets from faith, i feel calm and happy.

i do some reflecting, go for a walk in the woods, or a park, meditate like i said, do something calm and nature based where you can think and decide if you feel it's right, if you feel happy, if you can see yourself doing Wicca in ten years, or twenty, or sixty years.

[one more quick suggestion, might not have the same effect. i love the movie Practical Magic, it's Hollywood, but at the same time accurate. not everything mind, and it does have romance involved which i'm not a huge fan of, but the parts where they're in the house, or telling the story of Maria, i love those, and i always get inspired for some reason. you could try that.]

Thank you, I forgot to say I am a poet so when I'm down or mad, or depressed letting it out through writing those poems it shows me my true feels not what others say I feel. Recently my uncle committed suicide and through writing poems it has helped me heal. Maybe try writing about it helps, blessed be.

i think you should talk to God,and study the bible. saying this because things become clearer when i talk God. the truth is God loves you and send his son to die for you.i suggest building a relationship with God by pray and study of bible. one thing is true and that is Gods word let it guide you...peace.

message me anytime