Hello everyone! I wanted to make this post because I can't seem to find any other decent sources of information on the topic of surviving demonic possession except on Christian/Catholic websites, and a lot of their information is grossly misleading.
That said, I am not an exorcist. Neither am I a professional, nor anywhere nearly proficient enough in my practice for me to say I know exactly what I'm saying.
That said, I can tell you a little bit about my experience as someone who has recently survived an exorcism involving a notorious demoness.
I'm 27 years old, I'm a lesbian, and I've struggled with T-AUFI (a genetic disorder that causes infertility, currently untreatable) for a large portion of my life.
I began to grow bitter, petty, envious, even purely hateful, of expecting moms, and moms in general.
I began full-time practicing and studying magick under a professional, a friend of mine, who took me in under her wing, about 2 years ago.
During that time, I inadvertently made contact with that infamous demon I mentioned earlier. I won't say her name, but I can tell you that my friends and I shortened her name to Aby, and she also really had a problem with pregnant people... Except she'd actually hex and attack them. She's often depicted as a Gorgon-esque lady with reptilian or aquatic features. You may know who I'm talking about.
The thing was, when I first met her, I didn't get a bad vibe off her. I got a "misunderstood hero" vibe off her. She told me that "I'm not a goddess that causes infertility, I'm a goddess to help you cope and heal from it, and I love you and wanna protect you and I'm choosing you because you're awesome! :3"
And we talked extensively. Over the course of the next year, Aby constantly told me she'd been watching me for a very long time, that she chose me, that I was her only "beloved avatar". She told me over and over and over again how much she loved me. We joked, I often called her "Obi-Wan Kenobiz*th" and she laughed. That actually became a running joke between us.
And I honestly loved her too. I still don't know if she truly did love me in her own way or not, but in my opinion, maybe it's easier that I don't know.
But my health, sanity, and quality of life told a different story. My friendships were deteriorating, I was struggling at work, and I was stuck in an abusive situation with my now ex girlfriend who nearly broke my neck. Aby clearly wasn't protecting me, and was making my anger and depression over infertility so much worse. I couldn't even be around a pregnant person without thoroughly cussing them out in my head.
Finally, a friend, another magick user, noticed that Aby had ulterior motives and helped me realize that she'd been manipulating me the entire time. My teacher helped me banish, cleanse, and protect myself.
The exorcism itself was pretty unremarkable, save for that I became extremely tired, heard Aby cuss me out, felt her try to "dig in" and felt instantly lighter after she.
And now that Aby has been gone, for a few weeks, there are some symptoms that come after a personal demonic possession that I want to discuss, as well as offer advice.
1- you're gonna feel very raw and exposed, like you're all alone, naked, and weak. You are not. You're becoming independent fir the first time since you made contact with the entity that was controlling. And Independence often has that scariness at first.
2- your body, mind, and soul just went through hell - literally! - be sure to rest, drink plenty of fluids, eat healthy food. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Avoid scary movies for a while, especially of the supernatural/possession genre.
3- you'll likely deal with feelings of guilt, despair, sadness, fear, etc. When I banished Aby from me, I felt like a large swath of myself died. I loved her, and banishing her wasn't fun. I still sometimes find myself questioning whether I was wrong to banish her or not. Don't worry, these feelings are natural. I've noticed it's easier if you think about it like a bad breakup.
4- you may experience symptoms of C-PTSD, or have pre-existing C-PTSD symptoms flare up. #3 is along the same lines as this. You may feel remorseful, sad, bitter, vengeful, self-destructive, etc., when presented with something that triggers memories of your former personal demon or demons in general.
5- it may take time to fully heal. Be patient with this.ypur body and soul still need to detox after being conditioned by your former demon(s). It doesn't mean they still have a hold over you. They just left some scars that will heal over time. Be sure to take spirit baths regularly (good idea in general as a witch)
6- remember that you are loved. A demon may have lied to you and betrayed your trust, but remember that there are deities and entities out there who don't employ abusive tactics to empower the people they interact with.
7- don't just rush back into spirit work. Use this as a time to retreat and relax for a while and get to know yourself, since you didn't truly *have* yourself until now.
I really hope this helps some of you out there struggling with recent possession. Please reply here, or if you're not comfortable speaking publicly, then please PM me if you have any questions or just wanna vent and share your story.
I wish you all the best of luck. And remember, you literally survived horror movie level stuff. You are stronger than you think!!