The Coffee Shop

*ANGRILY SLAMS DOWN VODKA* *WHISKEY* *BEER* *COCAINE* *METH* *WEED*

BOY, DO I HAVE STORY TO TELL YOU.

((Suicidal ideation trigger warning.))

SO

Around the end of May 2016 I was forced in a mental hospital for suicidal ideation. I was living in California with my father at the time. As some of you may know, I have heavy trust issues with my step mom and my father. I gave my now ex boyfriend my phone and told him to not tell my parents he had it. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I still regret it. Once they found out he had lied to him, I was cut off from talking to him. Well, I don't really give a fuck. Because I'm 19. Legal adult. I didn't know this situation was gonna happen. I didn't know I was going to be forced into a mental hospital by agressive caretakers. (Seriously. Covina Charter Oaks hospital is shit 2/10)

Being in the hospital was actually a nice refresher. It gave me a breather because I wasn't under a constant microscope under my father and step bitch 24/7 and I met some really cool people in there. I talked to both him and my friend from missuroi every single day when I was in there. When I got out, I was cut off from the internet. No phone. No labtop. They had access to all of my emails and Snapchat and all that. I have major issues with people peeking into my privacy. Yeah, they did give me house, clothes food, payed for my college. But they put me down for my spirituality, my interests, they made a joke of my mental illnesses and just completely ignored what I've said to them about it. My father told me that I couldn't build a foundation on therapy. Then they wonder why I isolate myself from them. Before I was in the hospital, the police had to be called one time to make sure I didn't kill myself. After they left, my stepmom completely blew up saying how emberassing that was. And how I'm just out for attention. I also told her I had a panic attack and she just looked away as if she was disgusted. Didn't say anything. Had a panic attack calling my mom, trying to tell her what was happening. I couldn't even pick up the god damn phone. It was fucking awful.

While in the hospital, I unloaded all my feelings to my aunt in law, who I thought actually understood where I was coming from. And how I was still talking to him. I made sure 1000 times over she promised it stayed confidential between us. Well, it didn't. My step mother came home in a rage, packing her shit. They got into a fight, I got involved, I got kicked out. All because I can't fit into their perfect little family. All because I couldn't follow their path of what could make THEM happy. All because I wanted to go down my own path. But nope.

But now. I'm back in Kentucky. But I'm so much happier here. I'm eating alot more. I can handle my illnesses better. I have some amazing friends. I'm able to do alot more. I feel free here. I don't feel like I'm walking on pins and needles. I don't feel like I have to sneak around of the simplist shit.

So lately, I've gotten a job at KFC, and a second job at a pet groomers shop. I'm exploring Polyamory, I'm a godspouse to Thor. And I've started working with Eir and Icelandic Staves. Got an Iphone 5S from straight talk. All that Jazz.

I'm pretty happy now. Although I miss Devin very much.


I'm sorry that this kind of turned into a rant. But this is my Coffee Shop update ;P

Man you've been through some serious shit, D: I hope things get better for you. Sounds like its already improving now that you're out of that bad mojo environment!

As for me, meh. It's been a little over two weeks since the surgery. I've dropped twenty pounds, which is an alarming amount to lose in that much time. I'm still having to figure out what my body can and can't handle. I feel thirsty all the time but I can't drink more than a few sips of water or I throw up (stomach is too small to handle that much fluid). I don't regret it though, I feel healthier and happier than I did before.

Sounds like both of you are happier now.

*Sips on Cheerwine*

So I started a new job a week ago. So far, it's a fairly chill place. I already like it more than my previous job. Only problem is I'm having trouble talking to some of my co-workers. One guy talks about subjects I either have no knowledge of or I don't really care about (that sounds bad, I know). I am hoping that will improve over time, since I don't wish to be known as that one person who's always serious.

I've recently decided to start honoring and looking more into Freyja and Skadhi on top of the other deities I work with. I'd tried reaching out to Skadhi in the past but always felt she ignored me largely because I work with Loki, and (UPG) it seemed like they were feuding. I'm hoping now that some time has passed she would be more willing to work with me. She's always come across very stoic and cold, reminding me a lot of Angrboda's deposition.

Freyja I am most interested in to pursue a higher learning of seidr and enhance my practices. Since she is the one who taught it to Odin, I think working with her as I look more indepth at this skill would be wise. Perhaps she has useful advice and teachings that she would be willing to share. I've never honored her or worked with her before, so it will be interesting. She seems a complex deity, ruling over love and light heartedness on one hand and the valkyries on the other.

Same here. She always seems grim. But to me, it's her warrior side showing

*sips imaginary coffee and sighs* If it's okay to rant, then I'll get going.

Up until recently, I've been jobless, living in a home with 8 people. Myself, my boyfriend, his parents, sister, and three nieces. Last week, we moved his sister and nieces out to their own apartment, and my boyfriend and I moved into the basement. Well, as I said, I've been jobless.

My boyfriend's father doesn't seem to understand, that NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TELL HIM I HAVE NO MONEY, I HAVE NOT BEEN PAID, he still asks for rent. And it's been stressing me out because he doesn't ask ME for rent. You would think that, you know, if you want rent from someone specific, that you would ask them and NOT their significant other. But he doesn't. We've had conversations, and ironically enough his dad would be the one to initiate them, about how if someone has an issue with me specifically, that they should go to me to discuss them.

And yet he doesn't. He texts my boyfriend and talks to my boyfriend about issues regarding me.

Mind you I've been living with them for two years.

TWO.

YEARS.

And they don't talk to me if there's a problem. Is it really too much to ask for just THAT little bit of respect? APPARENTLY IT IS.

So now, I'm doing my best to avoid his dad until I receive my check in the mail to pay him. Until then, I would also like to talk to them, but with my experience, it's totally redundant.

*sighs heavily* I'm so stressed right now I could cry. Again.

And your boyfriends reaction to all this is? I hope you two are able to move out soon. That sounds stressfull.

*too tired to make coffee*

So, the last couple of years has been stressful. I was diagnosed as bipolar in 2015 and was undermedicated until the middle of this year. Two months ago i attempted suicide. Since, my marriage has hit a snag due to my severe depression and all I've heard this year, all i've heard is how i need to change everything to make my life and marriage work. Dont get me wrong, My husband is very loving and supportive, but the constant fear of my marriage keeps looming over me. I quit drinking (I'm a recovering alcoholic), i force myself out of my comfort zone on a daily basis, fighting against my severe social anxiety and depression to go out and "act" like a civil human being, I even have a job cat causes issues with my moods, but i have to keep it because I need the cash. Anyone reading this knows how hard it is to change yourself completely, and as pety as this soundes, all i hear is what i need to do instead of familly congratulting me. I'm in therapy, im on medication, I do meditation and herbal remedies, i help to support my siblings and all i hear is how "unhealthy" anti-socialism is and how i need to be more "emotionally open" I'm trying my hardest, and i feel constantly beat down by relatives who spend more time heckling me than encouraging me.

So yeah, i got that out of the way. Carry on.

VeviliaDonne, to answer your question, my boyfriend's reaction is pretty similar. He's stressed, too, but tries to keep his cool about it. I suppose someone does.

I'm also really sorry to hear how unsupportive your family seems. It's sad to know that someone you love doesn't seem to understand your situation. In times like that, I think it would be important to let them know you need to disconnect for a while to figure out your emotions. Tell a little white lie and say you're not bein anti-social, that you just need to clear your head. People seem to really believe that. XD It's just a simple suggestion, but it's always important to take time for yourself and to just figure things out. Take a mini-vacation. Two days off of work, read a book, do a hobby, binge watch Netflix. Moral of the story, relax as best as you can and just do YOU, and let everyone else worry about themselves for a litle bit. *internet hugs*

I'm free to talk if you ever want an ear. :) Just PM me whenever. ^_^

Blah fed up with some people on SoM. Had a handful of random guys chatting me up the past week or two, constantly mailing me and wanting to get to know me. Thought it was great that I was able to reach out and make some friends. Every single one stopped talking to me as soon as I told them I had a fiance.

This isn't a fucking dating site. I'm not obligated to give you my phone number or be with you just because you mailed me and said you liked my profile picture. I'm more than just a female to go out with. It is possible to be friends with people of the opposite gender and not expect them to date you.