I used to be able to shield just fine, but I've noticed after periods of emotional/mental breakdown (and I just had one last night) that I have issues with shielding and centering. When I tried to center last night and even today, it was extremely difficult. I could barely manage. It felt like the pieces of me were splintered, and it felt almost like a physical pain, even though nothing was wrong. I can't even pull up my shield, which is really bad, considering I'm an Empath. I have to shield myself any time I'm in public or I am affected by the emotions of others.
In some ways this makes sense. In the past two years, ever since certain bad things happened- I have had issues with shielding. It all came back to my core, which even though it wasn't in the greatest state, it was better than it is now. My center feels incredibly fragile. As I've said to others, I feel I've lost my sense of Self due to everything that happened two years ago. When I focus on my center, even on a good day, it feels like a badly-stitched piece of patchwork. During a breakdown, this stitching comes undone, and it can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to finally feel okay again and stitch my Self back to where I can shield again.
Even when I do shield, even when all is well, I know if there was a bit more pressure on the outside of my little bubble I would pop and have a breakdown.
I know if I wait, it will take me a few weeks to be back in good condition. I would probably be rejuvenated in a few days if I had time to myself, but I don't, and I don't know how to stitch myself back together in the meantime. It's so upsetting that every time I feel okay, something comes along and I'm back down.
Is there any other way I can defend myself while rebuilding my center and my shield? I do have a charm bag, though I feel awkward carrying it around. I also have a 'spirit friend' who is usually willing to provide protection, but I don't know if I want to ask him for help while I'm in a weakened state.
Also, is there any way I can prevent something like this from happening in the future...? I know I can't permanently avoid the triggers, since they are the stupidest things, but I do try my best. But is there anything else I can do?
I know I should be in therapy, and I've been trying to get into it for a long time. I am still a teen and am reliant on my parents, who haven't had the time or resources to get me therapy. It will probably be a long time before I can actually assess the depth of my internal damage and heal mentally. I hope for that day to come, but for now, what should I do?
I've already been pursued by several beings...
I'm going to sage my room down in the meantime, I can still feel negativity floating about. I hope to come back to help. Thanks for reading, and if you need me to clarify anything, please just ask.
Centering yourself can be difficult when in an emotional state. I would try a simple method. Sit down in a comfortable place. Take a few deep breaths till your heart starts beating at a normal even pace. Focus solely on your breathing, the feel of air moving in and out of your lungs, the feel of your stomach rising and falling with each breath. When you feel calm and grounded to the here and now, you may stop.
This is something you should practice any time you feel like you are not in full control of your emotions. In my opinion, it should be done daily even when in control. Even being empathic, you should be able to do this and have control over how you feel. I would suggest working on this so that others are not effecting you so easily.
As for the psyche issues, I would speak to your parents. If they cannot afford to pay for it, some places use a "sliding scale fee" where the charges are based on your income. If that is still not an option for you, perhaps the school councilor can be of assistance? Or look for a charity that may help.
If shielding is becoming an issue try something simple. My favorite is visualizing a brilliant white gold light pouring down from the universe, covering myself and extending out quite a bit around me. When practiced often it becomes fairly easy to visualize this around you even at the hardest of times. But it takes a lot of practice. Do this any time you can, and especially at times you feel others emotions effecting you.
Something a lot of people do not seem to realize. We are all empathic do a degree. Some are more sensitive than others. But we do not have to allow this sensitivity to control our own actions or emotions. If you can feel that something is not right or not your own feelings, you can block it. Recognize it, take a deep breath, and on exhaling, blow the emotion that does not belong away. I think that realizing you can control your emotional response is key to gaining that control. We do not have to be ruled by others.
I was really scared when I posted this thread and while checking replies that either a.) no one would reply or b.) any replies would be negative or unhelpful. So it really brightened my spirits to get a good, kind, helpful reply.
I'll try your advice and hope it works (I'm guessing it will =)
I can sympathize with you. Though I can never fully understand your personal situation. What was said before is very true. Also there are ways that you can get county/government assistance in medical care/insurance. If you need full coverage they can help you out on an income scale, or you can use it as a supplementary insurance to cover what your current coverage doesn't/can't cover. (my mommy works for the county where I live. I get insider info. XD)
And for the shielding, I pretty much do the same, but I visualize a warm earthy green light (my favorite color) enveloping me. Sometimes using comforting colors or places help in creating an effective shield.