Hello everyone. I have a problem. Or not really a problem but it feels like one. So I met my girlfriend and she was Hellenistic. I believe in the Gods as well, it was one of the probably 100 reasons we hit it off so well. We had common ground and similar beliefs in an uncommon religion. So heres the thing... she recently converted to Mormonism.
Not to be a bigot but ive had many reasons build up to leave Christianity. In fact i dislike talking about it. My parents were so strict with it, I grew to hate the religion and all its sects. So heres my problem, I respect my girlfriend for her opinions and her decision, but at the same time I really, really really do not approve of it in the least. That theoretical 100 list just became 99. It doesn't feel right, she respects my ideals in return but im irked by this.
Now many people would tell me why be so harsh etc, well that I simply refuse to reveal as its beside the point. I know its wrong to have a bias and all, but I cant help but feel disturbed and betrayed. So can someone tell me if im justified or not? Should I feel this or not? Is it right or not? I need help and a way to cope.
Re: Should I feel this way? By: Brysing Moderator / Adept
Post # 2 Nov 14, 2014
When a couple both hold,sincere but different, beliefs, it can be tragic!
It may well be that you and your girlfriend will not marry. But what if you did? What if there are children? Would they be brought up Mormon, or something else? It is a very serious situation, and will need deep thought, and compromise. Wars have been fought over religion; and are still being fought!
I don't understand you,if she respects your beliefs where is the problem?Everyone can believe what he wants and if you love her and she love you,all is perfect.Is a silly thing to break up because religion and if you are worry about marriage you mustn't marry with someone for love her,you just can live together.
Re: Should I feel this way? By: Brysing Moderator / Adept
Post # 4 Nov 14, 2014
Good grief! How the young mistake a word and/or its meaning. "marry" means two things joining together. You can "marry" two ropes! To "marry" means a male and female coming together; a sexual relationship. It has nothing to do with church, or legality.Two thousand years ago, only Royalty and the Nobility actually had a wedding! Most people just lived together. And there does not need to be a wedding for children to come along!
Re: Should I feel this way? By: Lark Moderator / Knowledgeable
Post # 5 Nov 14, 2014
So you want others to respect your religion and let you follow the way that calls to you. But it isn't OK for your girlfriend to do the same? That seems a rather selfish attitude to me.
Seriously, if she has no problem with your religion then the issue is in your head. Talk it out together so you understand her choices and she understands your concerns. But saying that she betrayed you by choosing to become Mormon is silly. She just did what is right for her. You are the one deciding that you don't like her choice and that it is an insult to you.
Many people have mixed marriages with the partners being of different faiths. It takes a bit of work and communication to do it, but it isn't impossible. It is a matter of having respect and trust in the other person.
But if you're simply going on that you don't "approve of this" your relationship is doomed. Is she going to have to live her life based on whether you approve her actions or not? That is not just selfish, it is almost abusive. You choose to be Pagan and not Christian, and that's fine. She chooses to be Mormon, and that's fine also. If you're going to dictate to her what religion is right and that she must follow it then you are no better than some Christians who do the same.
Re: Should I feel this way? By: Nekoshema / Novice
Post # 7 Nov 14, 2014
Address these issues with her, perhaps seek couples counciling. I have a few friends who follow different faiths and they're fine, it was discussed and they came to a middle ground, it needs to work for you two.
Your hatred and betrayal is towards God/church not your girlfriend, so you should come to terms with this. Many new Pagans [myself included] go through a phase where they reject Christianity but you need to understand, not all Christians are like your parents, and the few who twisted the word, don't speak for the majority.
This really feels like something you need to come to terms with. You cannot leave your girlfriend in the dark. Talk with her, explain everything, and ask her to be patient while you work through your hatred towards the faith. If you sincerely do not wish to let go of this bitter seed however, don't string her along with the hope you might one day. Hopefully your relationship is strong enough to endure. I had been in a relationship where my boyfriend mocked my religion, it didn't end well. So meditate on the issue before going forth.
Im not even trying to dictate or control what she can or cant do either, she has all the freedom in the world. Im just uncomfortable with it all. She has no idea because i hide it and thinks im okay with it. Thing is she talks about it a lot, she even goes as far as saying she sleeps with the bible and the book of mormon on her dresser. (wether thats an exaggeration or not is to be seen) and always talks about how happy she is going to church and all. Say if we did get married somehow, I dont want to wake up next to those blasted scriptures. I wouldn't want to wake up earlier on Sundays to at the very least drive her there. I dont want to be "That Guy" but while a relationship demands sacrifice, those are ones I refuse to make. I still love her and all, its just cant handle such a change in lifestyle. Its not for me. And knowing her personality , in a few months she'll probably try to convert me. Life just threw a random unnecessary problem at me. And it shouldnt be a problem, but it just is, call me a bad person if you want