BTW I'm sorry for rambling.
When I was younger I tried meddling with demons. Its 5 years later and my family, my friends, the pastor of my old church, and even myself notice that something has been going on. I was raised as a Christian, I felt that God abandoned me later in my teenage years so I decided that I wanted to oppose God. I joined the church of Satan and tried to summon a succubus (multiple times) to be my girlfriend, (I tried to make them my Baphomet, even though I now know that isn't how it works(I will tell you why I thought that was a rational idea if you want to talk to me about my story.)) Anyway after that my mental health started to plummet and I tried killing myself on multiple occasions. I started having dreams of a girl (she then moved to talking to me in the waking world) she referred to herself as the daughter of Lilith at first and then referred to her self as Lillith (Lilith with an extra L(?)). She requested to be my lover and that she would rather I not date humans due to the fact that we are together. So obviously I thought I was going crazy from hearing a voice so I brought it up to my therapist, psychologist, and parents. But no matter how many tests I took and how many people I talked to they all said my mental health doesn't show anything that could lead to auditory hallucinations or that I'm doing this for attention. For years I tried to ignore her when she gave me advice or when she told me to not date a human, but her words got louder until I listened. Her advice was really helpful when I started listening and even my probation officer (for previous drug abuse charges) at the time told me to pay more attention her when I talked about it in therapy. I also started losing interest in people romantically more and more to the point where I actually notice how I just stopped caring about romance, because for some reason I already feel loved. My mental health has also never been better and my psychiatrist has removed all my previous medications and I feel great still (I still go to therapy for my past addiction issues). I always have in the back of my head that I might be crazy, but I thought there might be some professionals on here who might know. Thank you for reading my late night rambling, She just came to me in a dream and I was tired of not knowing who she is.
P.S. I'm also no longer a Satanist, I gave that up and became an eclectic.
I am not going to get into the thick of your post but, while reading it something struck me as an avenue you might want to explore. Your dabbling in your past might be when things for your mental health took a downturn. Many people have duel diagnosis, meaning a mental health disorder and a substance abuse disorder. I could go into many things to address those since this is my line of work (law enforcement) however this isn't the place and that isn't what struck me.
Have you ever been seen by a sleep specialist? Many people are not aware of the conditions that narcolepsy brings. While we joke about the disorder and often think its something old people have who fall asleep on the sofa at family gatherings, it is far from what it really is. You can have this and just feel tired all day long, doze off on a bus or car ride, and a big factor is visual and auditory hallucinations often appearing as demons, black figures or shadow figures.
It might be, you exhausted your search for a reason you hear these voices as a mental health disorder (such as schizophrenia brings) but it might not be that at all. It could be 1, a demon like entity is trying to communicate with you (if you believe in such things) or 2, it could be a sleep disorder, which does not necessarily happen when sleeping.
If you are open to looking into that more, do a little research. I believe there are several self assessments you can take on line to see if you match up with a lot of the conditions associated with this. You duel diagnosis would only exacerbate this. So it would be no surprisehow you might feel you're going crazy.
There are many ways to treat this, if you actually have it, and the good news is sometimes it is simply an increase in a specific vitaminor a non-addictive blood pressure medication. Hopefully you will get some answers soon.
This could be a manifestation thing. The universe is a little wonky right now because of certain people with powerful abilities being unaware of their abilities and/or not realizing them. A lot of things are happening that people think isn’t real because a new balance is underway. It’s a change that is good for the whole of the universe. There is a message related to it coming from certain people soon.
