mom/daughter relationship

i'm very new to witchcraft and stuff, but i've been interested in it for quite some time now. still, i've never performed a spell or anything of that sort. things have come to quite a catalyst, however. my relationship with my mom has been strained and toxic for a long time, despite both of our best efforts against it. recently, we had a huge argument over which many feelings were hurt and i don't know what to do. i love my mother with my whole heart, so much it hurts me, and i know she feels the same way, if not stronger. does anyone know a simple spell that can improve specifically familial relationships? personally, i own hardly any crystals or stones (apart from the ones i found on the ground or in a creek) and the only colors of candle i have are beige/tan and white. i have clove oil, but i think my best bet would be on herbs, if that's at all possible.

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Honestly, I think talking about it with her and sharing your honest and open feelings about the situation would do more for you two than a spell can. A spell can influence things in our lives, but I don't think it's going to fix such a strained relationship. I'd suggest if you really want a spell, find an acceptance or forgiveness spell that fits your materials, but do it in addition to talking to your mother. I hope you find peace and balance in your relationship with her soon.

One of the more simpler things to try, especially for a beginner, would be a honey jar spell. There are a variety of ones out there and once you understand the basic principals and components to it, they are very easy to customize to your own personal needs and attributes.

These are slow moving, which in your specific situation seems appropriate. The negative and hostile interactions you have both had with each other will need an ease-in approach to healing. The honey jar would be one step in that healing process.

It is also important to practice good listening skills and evocative questioning when you do interact. Remember, you can't change her feeling or perspective but you can change how you react to them. Instead of disagreeing and setting off an argument, just listen, try to understand her foundation for her beliefs. Here is an example I often use with my clients:

The client believes the sky is green

You argue it isn't because you see it as blue, so how can it possibly be green?

Instead of saying they are wrong, ask what makes them think the sky is green? What does green mean? Why would it be green? (these are evocative questions that elicit a response from the individual that gets them to think about their reasoning for things and give their valid explanation for why they feel the way they do)

You do not have to agree with their feelings or thoughts but if you acknowledge what they believe and understand why they believe it, you can better respect and appreciate your differences. The hardest part is getting her to respect you in the same manner which does not always happen. I think your heart and mind are in the right place and you are going to be the one to carry this relationship towards healing. I hope you are able to achieve that goal.

Good luck.

~Kaurora