I used to live in a home where Christianity very much ruled with an iron fist. I never thoroughly understood/believed in what I was taught, but, of course, as a child I knew better than to question.
What I'm trying to say as that branching out like this and choosing to study witchcraft is a very big step for me - and a frightening one. I want this, it feels right and strong with me, but there's that tug from how my entire childhood was held together and how it has rapidly vanished in a matter of just a few years.
This rapid change has made me feel very unstable. I mean, in my mother's mind, Harry Potter was considered the work of the devil when I was a child. Now she collects tarot cards and charges crystals, even makes little fairy gardens/houses.
There is relief, of course. But I still feel unsettled about my parents in general. That's an entirely different topic, I suppose, but whenever I think of them or am with them there is this sad feeling of discomfort.
Anyways, the whole meaning of this is that I am.. nervous, to say the least. This is something I want to do but have never been able to do. I want to be my own person without ties to anyone, be it family or friends. I don't want to be labeled, I don't want to be tethered down; I very much want to feel truly and completely free.
I feel like I can achieve this wish here. I feel this will help me in being independent. This will help me grow strong in so many ways and I will gladly welcome that opportunity.