A Serious Question

Hello. ^ ^

Disclaimer:
This is very detailed and very wordy. I'm sorry, I tried my best to get to the point.

To start off, I am a believer turned skeptic. I used to blindly believe in the paranormal for quite some time, without ever actually having any experiences to support those beliefs.

But, semi-recently I have been a bit lost.

I really can't say that I don't believe. But, I can't say that I do either, rather, I want to believe. I really do.

I feel so incredibly silly saying this, but... The center of my beliefs revolved around this "entity" always around me, giving me protection, but at the same time, being judgemental and a bit malicious at the same time. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't seem to stop believing in whoever or what ever this being is. I feel like I can still feel it (I'm used to calling it "him").

When I first felt him around me was when I was very young. I remember laying in bed one night and asking inside my head "What is your name?", and I immediately got a "reply". I won't say what it was because... Well, I don't really know, honestly. I'm just unsure.

Awhile after that experience, I had a strange dream where I was in the middle of a forest, and I was sitting on my knees. There was a black panther in front of me. It stared at me for a moment and then began to turn around and walk away. I reached my arms out and did the typical child-like "Eh eh!". I didn't want it to leave.
It then turned back around and walked back to me. It wrapped its arm around me and hugged me. I could feel it gripping its claws into my body, but I still hugged it back. I felt myself beginning to wake up at this point, and as I regained consciousness, I swear I physically felt someone embracing me in real life.

Another strange dream I had was where I was in the forest again, this time at nighttime, and in a much bigger area.
I'm on my knees again on the ground, and there's a dirt path in front of me. On the other side of the path, directly in front of me, is a couch. (Yeah, I dunno...) Now, in this dream I remember thinking that I was some sort of a sacrifice, and I was waiting for the "ritual master" to come. Eventually, the ritual master does come, and I see him in the distance. I'm slightly scared now, and then all of a sudden, I look in front of me and there is a man sitting on the couch. He is looking straight at me with deep red eyes with black slitted pupils. I immediately escape his gaze because it was just so unexpected.
The ritual master comes over to me and starts doing strange things, which I can only assume was a part of the... Well, "ritual".
I'm doing my best to suppress my fear, but I remember I eventually couldn't, so my first instinct was to huddle to the red-eyed man, which I did. He didn't do anything. He didn't push me away or anything like that, but when I ritual master turned his back, the red-eyed man gave me a very quick kiss. And that's the last thing I remember. I know... It's stupid, I suppose.

Once, I even awoke to two unexplainable parallel scratches on my neck. I don't have anything sharp near my bed, my nails aren't long, and I have no pets that could've done it.

I've had more strange dreams like this centered around an unknown being. Sometimes he's a man, sometimes a panther.
I've also tried to talk to him before, using paper, and just talking out loud to him, but he never replies. That's where a LOT of my uncertainty comes from. If whatever this is-is real, wouldn't it speak to me? I don't know... Am I doing something wrong?

Anyway, I've tried to chalk all of this up to maybe... I have mental illness. It's the only way I know how to rationally explain it. I just want someone to say that either I'm crazy, or there's something "spiritual" going on here. Then again, it could just be a very serious case of an imaginary friend.

I'm sorry this is so wordy, but hopefully someone can give me some insight. I really want it to be real, but I just can't believe right now.

Sincerely, a very confused girl.

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ok this can be a demon trying to fool you. they do these kind of things. they can act nice but show the ugly truth. what you need to do is get yourself and your house cleansed, which there are many ways, like for example you can burn sage and walk through your whole place with the smoke and chant "negative things are out, love and peace fill this space" then run the smoke around you and say "I am protected, negative attachments are gone, I am filled with love, peace, and healing light"

~To start off, I am a believer turned skeptic. I used to blindly believe in the paranormal for quite some time, without ever actually having any experiences to support those beliefs. 

Being a "believer in something unseen" drowns you in a yawning and cloudy oceanic abyss of fables and truths but the current of the water has in it, the experiences and lessons you need as a seeker on the path you are supposed to tarry on.

Being a skeptic puts you on a boat where you paddle slowly on the oceanic abyss, believing there is no more to that oceanic abyss than what you see with your "two eyes". At a point in time - If lucky, One gets pulled into the oceanic abyss by a "force" wanting one to descend-and-ascend at the same time.


~But, semi-recently I have been a bit lost. 

Everyone was at a point in time.


~I really can't say that I don't believe. But, I can't say that I do either, rather, I want to believe. I really do. 

This sounds like you saying - "You want proof"
Don't wait on that!



~I feel so incredibly silly saying this, but... The center of my beliefs revolved around this "entity" always around me, giving me protection, but at the same time, being judgemental and a bit malicious at the same time. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't seem to stop believing in whoever or what ever this being is. I feel like I can still feel it (I'm used to calling it "him"). 

You needn't feel silly saying that!
-Don't judge a book by its cover-
We have infinitely infinite entities, The intention of the one who clearly seemed to have taken a sharp interest in you can't be sussed out,judged,known and examined unless one has 'encountered it personally'.


~When I first felt him around me was when I was very young. I remember laying in bed one night and asking inside my head "What is your name?", and I immediately got a "reply". I won't say what it was because... Well, I don't really know, honestly. I'm just unsure.


It's okay to be unsure.


~Awhile after that experience, I had a strange dream where I was in the middle of a forest, and I was sitting on my knees. There was a black panther in front of me. It stared at me for a moment and then began to turn around and walk away. I reached my arms out and did the typical child-like "Eh eh!". I didn't want it to leave. 
It then turned back around and walked back to me. It wrapped its arm around me and hugged me. I could feel it gripping its claws into my body, but I still hugged it back. I felt myself beginning to wake up at this point, and as I regained consciousness, I swear I physically felt someone embracing me in real life. 


Now, This "might" be your Spirit-animal
There's always no knowing.
Stay on your path - The things you saw/felt in the past are just..Well... The Prologue to your "Novel"!


~Another strange dream I had was where I was in the forest again, this time at nighttime, and in a much bigger area. 
I'm on my knees again on the ground, and there's a dirt path in front of me. On the other side of the path, directly in front of me, is a couch. (Yeah, I dunno...) Now, in this dream I remember thinking that I was some sort of a sacrifice, and I was waiting for the "ritual master" to come. Eventually, the ritual master does come, and I see him in the distance. I'm slightly scared now, and then all of a sudden, I look in front of me and there is a man sitting on the couch. He is looking straight at me with deep red eyes with black slitted pupils. I immediately escape his gaze because it was just so unexpected. 
The ritual master comes over to me and starts doing strange things, which I can only assume was a part of the... Well, "ritual". 
I'm doing my best to suppress my fear, but I remember I eventually couldn't, so my first instinct was to huddle to the red-eyed man, which I did. He didn't do anything. He didn't push me away or anything like that, but when I ritual master turned his back, the red-eyed man gave me a very quick kiss. And that's the last thing I remember. I know... It's stupid, I suppose. 


Not stupid.
Put this down in your dream diary.
It's real meaning to you will start out as a tiny seed - The moment it grows to a mature tree, You will be able to comprehend it much more clearly and better.



~Once, I even awoke to two unexplainable parallel scratches on my neck. I don't have anything sharp near my bed, my nails aren't long, and I have no pets that could've done it. 

There's always no knowing.


~I've had more strange dreams like this centered around an unknown being. Sometimes he's a man, sometimes a panther. 
I've also tried to talk to him before, using paper, and just talking out loud to him, but he never replies. That's where a LOT of my uncertainty comes from. If whatever this is-is real, wouldn't it speak to me? I don't know... Am I doing something wrong? 


You think you would "hear him speak" if he replied?
You think 'writing on paper' to talk with entities is "that easy"?
An" unknown" being won't communicate with you using "known" ways - There's always an elusive web attached.
Be patient.



~Anyway, I've tried to chalk all of this up to maybe... I have mental illness. It's the only way I know how to rationally explain it. I just want someone to say that either I'm crazy, or there's something "spiritual" going on here. Then again, it could just be a very serious case of an imaginary friend. 

Yeah, You are crazy! We all are.
You can't separate "crazy" from the "spiritual" - That's where the real shit hits the fan.


~I'm sorry this is so wordy, but hopefully someone can give me some insight. I really want it to be real, but I just can't believe right now. 

Reality itself is an illusion.
To believe is a choice,dearie

All I can give you - regarding your dreams - is my opinion. Only you can really find the true meaning of them, but this is what I think.


In your dream you're on your knees, that might give the idea that you're disarmed.

At first, the panther wanted to go away, however you didn't let that happen, and, when you hugged, it's claws pierced your body. That can indicate that the more the spirit ( if it is indeed one ) stays, the more the damage it may cause.

Maybe you've actually called on to this spirit, be it by accident or not. That can sometimes happen. And perhaps you don't really want it to leave or you don't allow it to.

In the other dream there's a dirty path ahead of you and you're, again, on your knees.

A dirty path may represent the negativity that this link between you and the spirit is causing. How it affects you and how bad it might actually be. You're on your knees again, maybe you haven't tried to get rid of it yet, maybe you had but in a wrong way.

Again, this is only my opinion.

But with the scratches on your neck, I would say, as mentioned above, to really cleanse yourself and your home.

You can even make a small sachet and fill it with herbs with your desired goal ( maybe protection ) and place it under your pillow or near your bed.

@metalwitch2

You really think so? I mean, I've never been seriously hurt or threatened in any way, aside from the scratches. If it was a demon, wouldn't it want nothing more than to hurt me?

If it was trying to build up trust, then it has very much already done so... I suppose. Why hasn't it tried to seriously attack me? Not that I'm anxious for it to happen, I just have a very low understanding of all this.

Thank you very much for your advice. I will take it into consideration. ^ ^

@Tolmjoe

Thank you for your insight. Clearly, you're well-versed in this kind of thing. ^ ^

I understand that spirits use very "unconventional" ways of communication, but you'd think after so many years it would make an effort with me, if you will. Especially if this entity is of somewhat "malevolent" nature, since they tend to be much more straight-forward with their communication, or so I've heard.

And no, I don't think I would be able to hear it speak. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I just mean that, for instance, if I said something like, "Can you please give me a sign that you're really here?" that perhaps it would do so, in any way it could. That kind of reply.

Again, thank you very much. ^ ^

@Agiel

I appreciate your help with the interpretation of my dreams, as I really don't know what to make of them.

As for me unintentionally calling upon a spirit, it is interesting you'd say that. I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but:

When I was very young, I moved into a home where the previous owner was known to "light a lot of candles", and it was around that time that I started to get the "watched" feeling.

I remember lying in bed crying one night (I can't remember why), and I reached out my arm and said "If anyone is there, please help me," or something along those lines. I was about 9, and I don't even know why I did that. I didn't even think anything was there.

Would that have any sort of significance?

Thanks again. ^ ^

DuchessMoon,

Yes, that might have something to do with it. When you reach out for help some spirits may come to you. It has happened to be before, so it could happen to you.

If you really want it gone then i'd suggest you say thanks for it's assistance and say that you want it to be gone. It should be no problem.

@Agiel

Ah, I see. ^ ^

Well, I started this post to ask for some insight on something that could possily be paranormal, not because I wanted to know ways to make it leave if it just so happened to be.

But, now everyone's saying I should get rid of it, when I'm still not fully convinced "it" exists, haha.

But, anyways, I really appreciate your reply. ^ ^

You're welcome, and yeah, negative things like that can really do things to you like that to trick you. Sometimes dark beings want to be able to get to you by gaining your trust. sometimes they'll show themselves as being friendly and kind. but then when you get a bond with them, then they show the ugly truth.