on Sep 11, 2018
A month ago this boy I had feelings for the past couple of years finally asked me out. He asked to come over and I said yes. He kissed me for the first time and it was my first kiss. He told me I was the most amazing and beautiful girl he's ever met and that he wanted to be with me. We slept together and even though he said he would stay with me he left. He told me that he could not be with me anymore because he was a Catholic and that night when we slept together he went against his morals. Im not sure what to believe anymore. Before that night we were good friends and now were nothing. He continues to avoid me and I cant take it anymore. I am in love with him and theres nothing I can do to make him stay. I spent so long crying and being upset and now I am just angry. Hes been talking to one of my friends and now they are growing closer. I am a psychic and saw a vision of them getting together. And I hate it. She doesnt even know what happened between me and the guy, because he made me promise not to tell anyone. Im not going to cast a love spell because I don't want fake love. I want it to be as real as the love I gave to him before he hurt me. I want revenge. I would never want to harm him physically or do anything to hurt him on the outside or make him sick. I just want him to feel the pain I felt. Im tired of practicing white magic and helping people all of the time. I sacrifice myself to help people every single day and I give people happiness but I am always the one, in the end, to get hurt. I am an empath and can feel everyone else's pain and I take their pain and I have ways to making people truly happy. I see their darkness then I bring out the light in them. I always love a world that is true hatred towards me and Im done loving. There is this darkness in me and it is powerful. I have been turning away from this side for a long time but now I want to embrace it. I can do many things and what I want the most right now is revenge, I have spells in my grimoire however they will do too much harm to him. I just want him to feel heartbreak. Because I have this feeling that he used me for my body. He told me that night that I could trust him and I did. He lied. I am unsure if I should cast an impotence spell (which I have done in the past) or another one. I just don't want there to be consequences. Everyone thinks I am soft and fluffy and people run over me all of the time because I am kind and it is because I love, that they portray me as weak, which I am not. However, I am still working on control and I don't want to go too far. Sometimes I am afraid of what i am capable of. I have done some pretty messed up things and I am conflicted because as much as I hate him, I still love him. And as much as I would never want to hurt him, I still want my revenge and to let him feel the same pain hes caused me.