on Dec 10, 2014
Blessings! I apologize if this may not sound as coherent as i
As some of you have noticed, I've been struggling with the belief in deities and magick. For years I've considered myself to be an eclectic Wiccan until my recent struggles.
Just a bit ago, I decided to look up Druidism and Shamanism out of curiosity. I laid down in bed to fall asleep, but then a sudden and sharp feeling took over me. I began to intensely think. I had a spiritual epiphany; I didn't need to worry about my recent struggles. My thoughts saying that my mom is right, that I only do this stuff as a hobby finally allowed me to let go of her words that have triggered this anxiety in me. Science has given me a large amount of questioning. But then, suddenly my old thought, "Science knows everything, every Pagan aspect I've loved is a lie" withered away and I began thinking, "Science is only beginning to explain the mystery of magick, etc." All the thoughts that have been convincing me to turn to athiesm ceased to exist.I also began to realize that now is the time for me to learn and write about other paths for my knowledge and for my blog. I realized my heart is here and my heart is with my blog. I've convinced myself a friend was what influenced me into practicing Paganism, not my heart's desire. When I read about Druidism and Shamanism earlier, the feeling of genuine interest reached me. I just realized that my heart is truly here and that I don't need to let my anxiety get to me anymore about such ridiculous self doubt I originally barely had.
I began to message my boyfriend everything I was thinking. An intense amount of relief took over me. I felt utter peace for once in months! Minutes later, I began to feel a trance pick up so I turned my phone off and laid there. My body completely tingled and I felt myself falling but then soaring. I'm pretty sure I was in the first steps to having my first out of body experience. Delighted, I let my inner voice say, "You're safe, let go" to try to trigger a full blown astral projection. This didn't work but instead it became a faint meditative state. I saw a valley and then the vision flashed away. The image made me feel deeply in touch with the earth. But, I think that vision was influenced because I was just reviewing memories of feeling nature connected before that state happened.
Basically, I am no longer miserable and I feel amazing and refreshed to contribute here and to my blog. I believe that that trance had just let my soul release and fly.
I'm so happy! What do you all think of this? Any advice for studying?