Wow.. First of all, I want to thank everyone that is apart of this website and forum for providing this kind of information for someone like myself to discover. Right now my mind is buzzing with endless questions about everything there is to know with no real method of translating them from thoughts to words, but I will try my best.
Where do I begin?
Now, I've done a small amount of research on my own and have come to the conclusion that before I dive into performing a Magical Spell I must first develop a mastery of meditation and have an inner calm and centring of myself (which will lead me to my next question). While I do have to patience to realign myself within so I can dive into this with success, in the meantime I would really appreciate it if someone could point me to some readings that could explain the nature and the history of energy manipulation as well as the role that I play in this.
What actually is meditation? For the most part it would seem it is a cross-legged pose in which one clears the mind and enters an altered state. Altho I seem to have lately found that there are many forms of meditation many of which include body movements. I walked into an occult shop a few days back and got into a small convo about the topic and a wonderful young lady told me that anything and everything can be meditation so long as it achievesthe desired goal. If that is the case then can exercise be a form of meditation? I grew up doing martial arts at least 3 days a week if not more. While I dontclearly remember my state of mind I do remember it being literally the happiest time of my life. Today tho, 9 years after I left martial arts, my only source of physical exertion is the 8 mile bike ride to work. I dontexactly know what it is but there have been so so many days where after bartending and waiting tables for 10 hrs straight I am filled with an immense amount of negative energy in many various forms for many various reasons. Yet, as soon as I start peddling my way home slowly but surely all that energy fades away and is replaced sometimes with a happy bliss but mostly with just a neutralcalm within. not happy, not sad, not angry, just calm and aware. Is that right there the outcome of meditation?
What else do I need to know?
Well, I guess I should start out with a briefhistory of..well me I guess. I grew up here in Philadelphia as a Muslim. I grew up with the mindset that my religious beliefs were the correct ones for the same illogical reasons that all religiouspeopleclaim they know best. As I grew older I started to see the contradictions not just in other religions but my own as well and at first it was a slow push away until it finally became clear that this wasn't my path and I severed all ties to any religiousdoctrine. Now with that said, I've done some research of my own and come to the conclusion that there has to be some common truth not just to the mainstream Judaic Religions but to even the ancientones as well. And I am desperately trying to find that common truth with them all. I feel like my path may end up back towards Islam in some way or another. Maybe the Spiritual Sufi branch of the religion is where I will end up.
The knowledge I am here today to attain isn't just limited to how to gain something thru magic, but to use that practical knowledge to better understand all the exists and has existed. Both that which is in our visible spectrum and that which is not. For over a decade now, there has been an insatiable desire within me to truly understand what is and what isn't and somehow fate has brought me here. I truly hope that someone out there can point me in the right direction.