Dear forum of beginners and/or experts and/or masters,
I am coming to you looking for some serious help and advice.
I want to tell you a story which I will present in a form as short as possible.
I have dated a girl and fell deeply in love with her approx. 2004. We have been in a relationship till end September 2009.
She broke up because she was about to move to Germany December 2009 for her studies in Hotel Management. I was prepared to join her and also move to Germany to keep the relationship alive. However I was neglected with an aggressive excuse of "I will not be having relationships while being in Germany". So during the final process it is important that we weren't having no sexual acts as such. She was sleeping with her best girlfriend and the partner to whom the best friend was engaged to. Just also want to add that she was cheating on my every single year of the duration of our relationship. Now here comes the strange thing. She told me that her Mom was in to Witchcraft back in the days (eg. the Mom owned a black magic book followed around with dark entities - or perhaps dibbuk's). The atmosphere got too intense so the mom got rid of the book.
My Ex was living with her mother at the time hence their parents got divorced. But where still hanging out a lot. As far as I know, her parents where married about 21 years. Nevertheless, their divorced relationship was a type of "on & off thing". When it was at a "off" moment, the mother sexually interacted with other men. So when the mother got rid of the other men, these men showed the same reactions which I always get when I see my Ex. A lot of shaking, deep, deep , DEEP instant hurt, sweating, strange feelings of fear etc.
These guys told me the same thing, they have never experienced it before.
So its almost end of 2015 now and after the break up I was carried in to therapy for deep traumatic treatment. That helped me to force my mindset to get away from this person (against my will). But lets be honest, how long can u handle a relationship where it is fine that your partner may have intercourse with everyone, and you arent allowed to anything. Every single time she broke up, she did it in a manner as if time in this building of a relationship doesnt play part of the essence.
Now why am I:
Still dreaming of her?
Thinking of her every single day?
When I commit to a new relationship, it fails?
Subconciously (when I am eg. working or cooking) and I -here and there- observe my thoughts, she is in my mind?
I have seen here once after 2009, and my knees turned to jelly. However I pulled through and greeted her, but also left it at that.
Now her mother and father live in different countries. There is no essence of family. The mother promoted the break-up in 2009, however, when I saw the mother again in 2011 she was all over me and instantly asked me "so are you going to Germany"?....... I am questioning myself, why should I when the break up was so promoted by yourself? (I didnt tell her my thoughts however.
My ex her brother is now dating her best friend (the one with whom she was having a threesome with, before my such encouraged breakup). Her best friends ex-fiance got thrown out of the house and then she took my ex-G brother.
So is that maybe a sign of that I maybe have broken a spell (because I think the mother has made one). Many of my ex Girlfriend ex Boyriends wanted to commit suicide etc. etc.
Her family is all over the place and etc. etc. Just why are my thoughts and dreams still roaming with this soul? Is it karmic or am I still attached via chakra's or what the hell is going on? How can I get rid of this and just move on with another woman or something? Its been 6 years now. Is that normal?
Please, any advice will be taken to heart. I tried to keep it as short as possible, but nevertheless, more info is available on request.
Many, many thanks and blessings ahead of communication.
With love from Namibia
Am I cursed???