I will try to keep this short - I divorced an abusive alcoholic and was granted custody of my three sons, now aged 21, 16 and 14. Determined to cause me more pain and suffering, he followed us to our new home and new life I was creating for us and caused uncountable disruption and pain. The abuse continued and he bribed and brainwashed my sons to move in with him approximately 3 years ago. During these 3 very difficult years, I tried desperately to maintain contact with my children in order to protect them from him. Granted I should have approached the authorities, but everytime I tried, I was somehow blocked not only by the scars of the mental, verbal and psychological abuse of the past, but also the continuing threats and harassment and manipulation. Over the last year or so, I have become stronger in my faith and am now getting my life together. My youngest has returned to live with me, but this has not been smooth as the father still interferes. That was just the background to this, my most pressing concern... my children have fallen to the very thing I feared and I now need your help to help them. They are all too casual about alcohol and dabbling in drug-taking - some of you will recognise that this is often a symptom of being the offspring of an alcoholic and ofcourse this results in negative learnt behaviour and so the two younger ones in particular are extremely aggressive and abusive towards me when I try to lovingly intervene. They are also very protective of their father who constantly encourages them to disrespect and distrust me. I have been praying and doing candle rituals for their protection as well as chord cutting meditations on their behalf. Please, Please help me - advise on the most effect exercise - also one that permanently cuts chords between me and the father. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Love and Light
Re: Grateful for any advice By: Urlic / Beginner Sep 03, 2013
Post # 2
It sounds like taking legal action might be the best way to completely cut chords with him. However, I am not sure what charges can be brought up against him. Has he technically done anything wrong legally?
Re: Grateful for any advice By: SinixO Sep 03, 2013
Post # 3
I was faced with a very similar situation growing up, as were my 2 siblings.
Unfortunately there is not much you can do for your son 21 years of age, as he is an adult and can now choose who to live with. I would say to tell him about your concerns, and suggest that a change in his environment may be beneficial for him, whether that's coming to live with you or living on his own at an apartment. Try to work with him, and make a deal if you can. This would be the best way to get him to at least look into leaving his father.
As for your 16 year old, since you do have custody of him you should be able to tell him to move back with you, however due to his age he may have the legal system on his side if he has a substantial reason to remain with his father. Since your Ex was abusive and an alcoholic you should have a substantial case for the legal system to have them rule in favor of your son living with you. In addition to the legal matters, I would suggest trying to get more involved in his life, maybe teach him how to drive, go out to the movies, fun stuff for teens. And once he builds trust with you, perhaps you can ask him to move back to live with his younger brother.
I'm glad you were able to get your youngest to come live with you, and he goes to show that progress is being made in the situation. Spend time with your youngest, as this can be a very stressful situation for him. He needs someone to be there for him through all of this, as it is a lot for children to deal with.
As for the boys defending their father, let it be known that this is completely normal. It happens in a lot of families who have children and divorce. Frequently the children will take the side of one parent, and defend them whenever they feel the integrity of their parent is being attacked. I assure you that this can change in time, so don't feel worried by it.
As for the magical aspect, just keep trying. It seems like you're doing it all very well, and you should maintain your efforts. Never give up or stop trying. It may take a while, but you'll eventually see the effects of your hard work and dedication.
I hope this has been of help to you, if you need anything else please don't hesitate to contact me. I know what you're going through, and I wish to help the best I can. Take care, and I hope for the best!