I don't bother about my soul even as to where I will go once my time on earth is up - what matters to me is the compromise or balance between the demand of this immediate world and its counterpart beyond.
The universe is about balance - you cannot be too materialistic, neither too spiritual. I cannot go forward through life properly as long as this conflict rages within my consciousness. This conflict is fueled further by the stiff-neckedness and ignorance of the souls around me, who stubbornly take sides in this delicate issue.
I don't believe that I can't change anything. If I allow doubt to set in, then truly I NEVER will make a difference. Difficulties feed on doubt - and whenever there is a constant source of that doubt, the difficulty becomes stronger until it becomes totally insurmountable. The devil is a sly enemy - he needn't lift a thumb to harass us. All he has to do is put up the illusion of the wall of opposition and our negative energies feed it, making it stronger in the process. All that the devil has to do is cajole us with negative illusions to use the negative energy we generate to make his illusion stronger - until we succumb and finally go over to his side. He is master of efficiency - he nudges us with the slightless degree of effort (for cajoling need not take too much work - humans are extremely emotional creatures) and the results he gains are unfairly ten fold. In the process, he gets us to rant at God - constantly goads us to bark at the wrong tree - when in reality, it's him man ought to bark at: even bite or maul mercilessly if need be.
An estoeric monologue