on Nov 29, 2014
Where to start from?
On May 15 th 2014 I broke up with my ex, just because we were going through a challenging time that was draining both the two of us (me in particular).
We had started so well on March 7th 2014. Everything was absolutely perfect and we matched. I still remember our first date (on March 7th 2014), spending 4 hours face to face in a caf? speaking about our lives etc etc until I kissed him. I had been longing to kiss him since the very first moment I saw him, but I thought it was better to wait.. And then we kissed and took a brief romantic walk and I was happy. We were happy. The smiles on our faces and the butterflies in both our tummies.
One of the best days of my life.
Two days after, we had another date and took a small trip to a seaside town and it was amazing.
We spent our first weekend together, first time we have been intimate by sharing the same place almost as husband and wife on Friday March 14th 2014..I remember an immediate feeling of having been there at that place before even if it was the very first time. It felt as if everything was familiar to me, from his living room, the bedroom and him. Deja vu, like the moment we were sitting on the couch to have dinner and he showed me a leak of water on the ceiling stating that it came from the upstairs neighbour's flat.
Intimacy.. he held me tight in the sleep and never left my hand, even in the sleep and when he was driving his car too.
I remember the first time we went to the grocery store to buy a few things and I felt as if it had happened to us before and it was so natural to me.
The next weekend, he told me '' my mother has never told my father I love you'' and I told him that my parents don't tell it too and he added '' some things are better to be felt rather than told'' and I agreed with him. Later on, that night, as we were sitting on the couch watching tv, he told me these words: '' I feel safe and protected with you, in your arms'' and kept searching my arms to embrace and hold him and when we held, we never let each other go.
One day he gave me his computer to look for a piece of furniture and I started to browse for him and then gave me a few hints and ideas and he agreed. He said to be independent, but he did put his life in my hands..
I remember we went to a shop to get some plants for his living room and he told me to pick them along with the pots. He was going to pick brown pots for the plants, and I suggested him that the slate grey / black ones matched more with the colour of the furniture in the living room (black) and he followed my advice. A sign that he gave me all of his trust. I remember he was keen to buy a couple of floor lamps to place behind the couch and he asked my opinion for them.
The purchase of those plants along with their pots and lamps was another deja vu, as if it had happened to us.. and I must confess I felt '' Husband and wife''vibes between us.
It also happened when we made breakfast together in the morning. mixed his eggs along with a dash of milk for his scrambled eggs and toasted bread on which I did spread the butter and made tea, while he fried bacon and cooked scrambled eggs. Perfect cooperation. I felt as if we were married already. It was so natural for me to look after him, protect and make him feel safe in my arms.
Everything was absolutely perfect until his family messed up our life on April 24th, when a brother (the one who was not in the know about us)became homeless and my boyfriend's mother decided that he had to host this brother.. And this messed up our plans completely. It should have been a temporary situation, but it became a war of nerves.
My man had been abducted by this insane situation in his family, making us feel helpless regarding the whole matter and us.
We texted about looking forward to meeting up (once the situation was solved). I kept all the texts of our conversations and sometimes I read through them.
Maybe he took me for granted and was not able to express his feelings, but yes this guy's Mr Right.
I remember feeling drained, no energy, fighting with the ongoing situation he had at home with his brother..
My man needed me actually, even though he was not able to say it as he was too proud to show that he could manage lots of responsibilities.
I tried to offer emotional and practical support. I was there for him and he knew it, but nothing happened.
His family problem along with his job seemed to be the only two priorities..sometimes he said to be my fan number 1, another times he said he knew he was lucky to have me..
I was desperate because every step that I tried to take towards him didn't help.
I felt helpless and completely drained at some point. My problem was his problem and I felt helpless because there was nothing I could to help him.
And we came to the point to argue during a time we were both particularly stressed out and we broke up.
I regret that day. I wish we never came to that point.
I hope he can forgive me and get me back.
I love him for real and need him back in my life.
He brought out everything in me and also my mother instict (it happened when he wanted me to hold him tight in my arms.that happened when we were on the couch or about to fall asleep).
He was my North, my South, my East and my West.. my Everything.
Is there a way to have him back in my life, even after 6-7 months?