I've been obsessed with learning about demons for a long time, I've spoken to what I believe to be demons. My spiritual guide/my protector is a demon (he claims/says). I've had a dream with Lucifer. I want to be friends with demons. I don't believe all demons are bad, being I believe I've communicated with a few. I'm DRAWN to the oujia board, I want to play it all the time.
I want to know why I'm so drawn to the 'darker' energies of the spiritual realm. I'm going to speak about my childhood, to see if that'll help.
I was born to drug addicted parents, and grew up in a drug house. My mom got clean to get her children, but my dad abandoned us. He chose to stay addicted over taking care of us. My mom married a mentally abusive man, who one time threw her from their room to the hall way. My best friend killed himself when I was 15 (he was 16). I stalked by someone I once called a friend online. I grew up with most my friends (98%) online. I was bullied when I was going to church (youth group). My youth group mates would bully my sister and I, they'd call us names and physically attack us (one girl tried to drown my cousin, when we went to a pond). The Youth Group pastor didn't do anything and told my sister, my cousins and I to get over it.
Most this happened when I was going to church. I stopped going to church a year after my best friend killed himself. The reason why I kept going is because twice or three times a week we'd feed the homeless and I loved that. But I had enough emotional damage and couldn't take the bullying anymore. Also when I quit church I was discovering my wiccan path.
I don't know if my effed up life is the reason for my obsession, or what. I just want to know why I'm so obsessed. I don't mind the obsession; it's an addiction, I would say (it does run in my family).