Magic Forums

It's good to beleive in a God, or a spirtual entity. I see the beleif like a spider web. The gods are the spiders, and those who worship them are connected to there web. You start off as a weak peice of web, and when you continue to meditate to them and thank them for what things they have given you ( Like visions, or the gift to see things in dreams, or help you open your abilities ), the gods come to your side of the web and make your connection alot tighter.

Through experience I beleive that beleifs lead you to different emotions. When I commited myself to Satan, everywhere I walked I felt strong and tough, and powerful. It was like anyone who messed with me would be hurt from my retaliations. But there was a day when that stopped happening, it was the day I lied about my spirtual path. Im not saying anything bad about Christianity, but when I was a Christian, long long time ago right before I became Athiest, I had no feel at all. It was like I knew Allah or God or whatever you wanna call him, was not in existance, and thats why I became atheist when I was about 12 I think. But now I commit myself to Thoth, I meditate to him alot, but the emotions I get from him are not the ones I become satisfied with. I feel like a normal person, but a smarter person, a more concentrated person when I commited myself to him. But the thing is... I want to have that same feeling when I was a Theistic Satanist again, it's like I feed off anger and that feeling I get when I use to be a Satanist.
But at the same time, I don't want to loose my abilities that Thoth has given me. I want to go back to Theistic Satanism, but im stuck in between a decision of what I should do.

Is this some sort of test ? I want to apoligise to Satan, and become a follower of him again, but I don't want to betray Thoth and lose his gift.

Well thats all I have to say for now.