Last Seen: Tue, 19 Jun 2018
|Membership: Member |
I call myself a monster of heaven. If that makes sense to you just based on that designation, it shouldn't and you're successfully lying to yourself. Good job. I'm here to ask questions, see what answers there are, what coincides with the things I've found, and what clashes. I'm open to being cursed if anyone thinks they're capable. I haven't found a "magic(k) practitioner" yet who has been able to affect me one way or another and I've gone rather out of my way to be a target in the past. I can say with confidence that nobody to date understands me; not in the normal 'I'm emo and sad pity me' way, but that literally nobody seems to be able to read me in person. My own parents had to ask my sexual orientation...which killed the conversation when I just reaffirmed that I'm straight. Old, religious folk seem to gravitate toward me for reasons I don't understand and expect me to do something, saying they'll pray for me.
Don't know for what length of time I'll be here, these sorts of sites seem to be dead-ends most of the time.
How long have I tried to fly with these broken wings? I'm still looking for the right way, still holding on to a memory of what I believe is my goal, but what is my goal anymore? Somewhere along the way I lost sight of it, lost the memory itself, but I keep trying. I'll keep flapping them with all my might and falling to the ground, climbing higher each time to try again and again. One day, maybe it will work and I'll soar through the skies toward my destination as though nothing has changed since I first fell...I have to hope, because I don't want to think about what happens if I don't get up again...if I cant get up again.
*Monster of Heaven- It's hard to explain this and I sometimes hope it's wrong, personally. Maybe more of an abomination that originated in heaven? As clear as I can recall the prevalent memories of this lifetime I can also recall pieces of what I could only describe as eternity and what came with it. I was created not strong, but adaptable; Given free will and creativity with the purpose of crushing the unexpected free will of angels who started to think of their own accord (though nothing to compare to the archangels). Ancient might be appropriate if time was present in eternity. A thing with no real form, something of a presence and living hatred for creatures that did nothing wrong. I wasn't alone, there were several others created similarly. We were creations of God supposed to both protect and neutralize our charges, revel in the ruin of others but keep peace, and be an incentive to follow orders while not really following any. Naturally, it wouldn't last. You can't give anything the ability to act on its own and the capacity to think without eventually having it question things. The rebellion was a chance for change and a point of so many regrets.