I am a 63 year old former combat paratrooper with PTSD. I served two "tours" in the jungles of Vietnam as an Infantryman. I served seven years on the chain gang in Raiford Florida during the 1970's on drug and related charges. I have traveled much in the world, Europe, etc. I have met many people from every socio-economic strata. I have put my war experiences behind me years ago I believe and have been drug and alcohol free for a year and a half currently. In short I have experienced many things that most Western people have not yet my most profound experience wasn't in war or prison or even amongst my numerous travels.
It was on a bright sunny Sunday afternoon in a Barnes and Noble bookstore in Augusta, Maine. The date was July 22nd 2012 when my wife and I went to the Augusta Mall. She went next door to the crafts store while I went to the bookstore to browse some magazines where she said she would meet me.
As I entered the store and turned to my right I saw a beautiful petite woman. She saw me first and her jaw dropped ever so slightly as if she recognized me. The sunlight was strong coming through the window behind her. The light filtered through her hair giving the appearance of a halo. Simultaneously though there emergered a bright red glow from the floor beneath her.
Heaven and Hell ? (I grew up Catholic)
Her eyes (blue, the same as mine) bore into mine and I was helpless to focus on anything else but hers. She never looked at anything but my eyes and as said I was helpless.
I walked right up to her but had no thoughts in my conscious mind. (I meditate and have yet to reach that point)
It was as if I was in a trance. I was face to face with her and she had this magnificant smile. I on the other hand had no smile and said nothing at all. As I looked into her eyes suddenly I was floating down through a blue sky with a blue-green ocean and her big, broad smile on the ocean floor.
This lasted no more than a second or two I estimate and her smile dissipated and her eyes took on a pleading look.
I can only imagine what she must have thought as surely I must have appeared to her as some recently discharged mental patient.
I "pulled out" from her eyes and looked down at the magazine rack with no thoughts.
I felt her move around me to the other side of the aisle. At this point one would have thought that I would have collected myself and thought something like. "It's okay she was just being nice, go and say Hi and introduce yourself, just act human."
But there were no discernable thoughts. Still somehow I moved around beside her. It was if someone had moved me like some chess piece because I was a hollow shell like someone had perfomed a lobatomy on me.
I was beside her as she was looking down as I had done previously. Then suddenly and abruply I moved quickly away from her. I did not consciously do this. There were absolutely no thoughts, it was if I "was moved" by instinct.
I did glance at her and saw her tightly clench her jaw and move away. It was if I had rejected her but I would never do that to anyone who was so pleasant yet alone to someone who was so attractive and appeared to like me.
I walked out the door without looking back and returned to our car where I slumped into the driver's seat exhausted.
My wife came shortly thereafter asking where I had been as she was in the bookstore looking for me.
I mumbled something as I drove off.
This brief, perhaps two minute experienc was like as LSD trip yet I hadn't done any drugs including smoking weed in decades and I had been completely sober for 13 months prior to this surreal experience. The colors and experience were vivid and I was like in some sort of trance-like state, powerless to think, smile or speak.
A day or so afterwards I started to obsess about this and went back to the store repeatedly hoping to see her again in hopes to explain(How could I when I don't understand what happened?) or at least to apologize for my boorish behavior that I was not responsible for. Who could possibly believe this? Even I cannot.
I have never had any experience as surreal as this with hallucinations even in my years of drugging and drinking nor have I since.
I am angry, confused, frustrated and embarrassed and hoping for any insight.
This is the only reason I signed onto this board.