Pagan Jokes

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Forums -> Misc Topics -> Pagan Jokes

Pagan Jokes
Post # 1
Signs Your Child Might Be A Witch
~Your child asks to use the broom to cleanse, I mean clean, their room. There is always a steak knife missing.
~Your smallest pan keeps disappearing and reappearing, and always smells like ashes and potpourri.
~All your candle holders are missing.
~They now enjoy going to the fabric store with you and they want thread, ribbon and cloth of every color of the rainbow.
~Their Christmas and Birthday wish lists consist of: a white or black full length bathrobe, blank journal books, window box herb gardens and a box of candles in assorted colors.
~You just figured out that every full or new moon your child asks to have 3 friends spend the night; and strangely they are very quiet all night.
~Your child now says "Merry Meet Again" every morning to you and whenever they leave they say "Merry Part".
~Your recipe cards are disappearing and when you do find them you can't make since of the recipe since it doesn't require any actual cooking.
~Your child has a new ID bracelet that reads something like "RavenMoon" "StarWolf" or "SunDragon"
~Your child asks you one day for a compass, four pails of paint; blue, green, red, and yellow, so that they can paint their room correctly.
~They insist that their first car be the color brown and have a license plate that says BROOM.
~Their pillows are now filled with all your potpourri.
~You ask your child to rake up the autumn leaves in the yard, and they come back with a small stick and a large stick; which you later find to have shiny objects on them and unidentifiable etchings.
~Once a jar gets emptied in your house it ends up in your child's room filled with various objects like pins, needles, hair, honey, paper, and soil.

Top 10 Pagan Pick-Up Lines
10. "Hey babe, what's your sign? What's it's ascendant? What is your planet alignment in Venus during Cancer's revolving around the Fourth House?"
9. "Read any good Llewellyn Books lately?"
8. "Would you like to come over to my place and widdershins?"
7. "Your feet must be tired because you've been Spiral Dancing in my mind all night long."
6. "Haven't I seen you someplace before in another life?"
5. "Yes, I'm handfasted, but that's not legal marriage."
4. "So, do you draw down the moon here often?"
3. "What's a nymph-goddess like you doing in a circle like this?"
2. "You have the prettiest third eye I've ever seen."
1. "Is that a Maypole in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

You Might Be a Redneck Witch If...
~You use the rebel flag as the altar cloth.
~Your pentacle is etched into a 57 Chevy hubcap.
~Your call to the god and goddess is "HEY y'all looky here!"
~You refer to the god as Bubba.
~Calling down the moon hears like "get your butt down here right now."
~Enacting the great rite is a family thing.
~Your chalice is an old mayo jar.
~You don't use candles because tiki torches are so much easier to see.
~Your altar is propped up on cinder blocks.
~Skyclad is your normal attire around the house.

The Top 10 Ways To Annoy A Pagan
10. Sayyyyyyy, is that a Jewish star?
9. No, then you must listen to Motley Crue, right? Not that, either? I know, it's a ... a ... Pentacost, right?
8. You guys really worship the devil, huh? Cool, I, like, listen to Black Sabbath, like, all the time, dude.
7. Oh, you're a Witch! I'm like, totally into, like, Goddess Consciousness. I sleep with a crystal every night, and have an Atlantean spirit guide. Will you teach me all the secrets of your religion?
6. I hear you Pagans do all your stuff in the nude. Wanna show me?
5. You will all burn in Hell. The Goddess is really Satan in drag. You don't believe in Satan? Boy, does he have you fooled!
4. Fascinating. I'm a sociologist; may I study you as a phenomena?
3. Do you really believe in all that nonsense?
2. You worship the Goddess? Poor thing; you obviously haven't heard about Jesus. Here, let me tell you... And (drum roll, please):
1. You're a witch, huh? Well, I'm initiated at a higher level than you. I was initiated at the age of seven by my grandmother, who was the last of the Atlantean Trad Elvish Ninja Masters. I don't suppose YOU have any lineage.

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Re: Pagan Jokes
Post # 2
This thread has been moved to Misc Topics from General Info.
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Re: Pagan Jokes
By: / Beginner
Post # 3
Some of these are pretty good. Thanks for posting these some of us need a laugh.
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Re: Pagan Jokes
By: / Knowledgeable
Post # 4
Cute. Thanks for sharing. =)
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Re: Pagan Jokes
By: / Beginner
Post # 5
The "You might be a redneck witch if.." jokes were the best! And I get the whole "Hey thats a Jew star thing aint it??" all the time...And, no joke, thats EXACTLY how they say it ._.
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Re: Pagan Jokes
By: / Novice
Post # 6
not bad, rather amusing, i need to share these ^_^
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Re: Pagan Jokes
Post # 7
haha I'm going to use one of those pickup lines.

Seeing "you obviously haven't heard about Jesus" is always funny.

And loved the red neck jokes
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Re: Pagan Jokes
Post # 8
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Re: Pagan Jokes
Post # 9
lol, these are good. Heres some i know. You might be a pagan redneck if Your idea of drawing down the moon is tearing down the outhouse. If the four corners of yourcircle are marked with junk cars. If you respect the threefold law... And only shootat people when they have "dun ye a hurt" xD
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Re: Pagan Jokes
Post # 10
Also, my mom found out I was a witch a little bit after half the spices in the cupboard disappeared. Luckily I found a cauldron in my garage, not a plastic one either. And yes, I basically take the fabric store home with me whenever we go.
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