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This is a story I wrote.

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Forums -> Comments -> This is a story I wrote.

This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 1
The Soul of life make countless misery.The Doom of people will be a firey pit(Not heck)infested with death.As you fall in the inferno snakes eat your eys,Brain and stomach.As the raging pit melts your skin away hounds come to chew the remains.As the sulfer builds it forms an acid.The acid seeminly rains down and disenigrates what's left.The Worst part? The Worst part is that your alive ALL the way through!

-P.s. This is a horror story i wrote to win a contest.I won!Hoped you liked/or are distrubed by this story-Singned Benji.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 2
This is going to be some constructive criticism.

I didn't like it. It had poor grammar, punctuation and layout. It did not capture me as a horror story did, nor did it send shivers down my spine. To me it sounds like a pedophile priest telling a group of 5 year olds what hell is.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 3
LOL, but I think the story is almost good.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 4
You also thought that NASA blew up the moon. See a pattern?
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 5
I don't see how "pedophile" fits in with the story at all. Just that one word leads me to believe you were trying to be insulting more then helpful. Aside from that, although your post definitely held criticism, there wasn't much advice and so it wasn't entirely constructive. You failed to point out how to make it spookier; more suspense, less simple visual description(add sound for example), etc. Your post did suggest that grammar and punctuation could be improved upon, but to me that's not bad for a twelve year old. I've seen people in their twenties and thirties with worse grammar and much worse spelling. He won a contest with this so obviously it can't be that bad. Your problem is that you yourself do not like it. I'd also suggest you let other people express their opinions without further going out of your way to be insulting.

And that's some constructive criticism for you, Sala.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By: / Novice
Post # 6
The spelling and grammar could be caused by transferring the story to the computer, and I think this is a great base to build from although if it was me I would actually leave out some of the details, some of the scariest things imaginable are made by our minds, by all means say everything although I have to agree that it does sound a bit like a priest telling a bunch of Sunday school children about hell.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 7
Yes familiar.But coudent say it for my school frowns on ANY Relgous writing by a child.I copied word for word.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 8
o.0 Was that referred to me, Salamun? But you know, I have to agree with the rest of the guys here now.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 9
Frankly, if this was posted anywhere else, you'd get a lot worse criticism than I handed out. This is the internet. Only on this forum everyone acts extra nice.
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Re: This is a story I wrote.
By:
Post # 10
I am going to be polite.

This needs much, much work. It was poorly written, and seems to be poorly planned. This is not a story; it is barely a paragraph. Also, the level of sheer fantasy in this "story" really takes away from it being "horror". If you want to learn a bit about writing horror, the Horror Writers' Association (yes, such a thing exists lol) has a few published handbooks with great pointers.

Also, take the time to actually read a few horror books, study them.
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