Magic Forums

I'm always looking to add to my collection of heathenry related jokes. Feel free to share some if you know of any.

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Our (Asatru) Top Ten

Top ten things that can instantly identify a newbie Asatruar:
10. There isn't any lint in the beeswax lining their horn.
9. When enraged, they cast a 'spell' shouting "THORN!" "THORN!!" "THORN!!!"
8. They come to a blot wearing a horned helmet, and proceed to toast marshmallows over the ritual fire using the horn-tips.
7. Spotting the rare femal Asatruar they swagger up and say, "Hey baby,
wanta see my sword?"
6. They bring their athame (pronounced A-frame) and say "can this be blessed at the Tyr's blot"? (pronounced as "tires blot")
5. They want to argue their new theory about Frigga being the "mother of all gods and goddesses"
4. They think valkyries are nice and sweet, angelic types.
3. They raise a nidhing pole against their enemy...but put it in their own backyard.
2. Nice cape...vinyl?
1. They write to the Asatru list wondering why "everyone just can't get along like brothers and sisters"

Top ten things that can instantly identify the veteran Asatruer:
10. They're wearing (gasp!) regular clothes at a blot.
9. In talking about Jung's theories of archtypes, they actually know what Jung meant.
8. They (or their girlfriend) have enough amber on them to sink a small longship.
7. They've developed a Macintosh version of Tafl
6. They're no longer worried about going to Hel when they die.
5. Their phone bill is sky-high from calling someone who lives in Southern New Mexico, (or Texas)
4. On the Asatru list, they've gone from 'lurking' to 'posting volumes' but are now back to 'lurking'
3. They can beat you at glima....
2. Their kindred has more than two members.
1. They've been 'set wretched' at some point in the past.

Taken from: http://www.angelfire.com/wy/wyrd/