Hello there! New Wiccan here, I'll try to explain as best as I can and try to remember everything that happened.
I'll have to start by saying that I am a cancer survivor. I had stage 4 terminal a.l.l. Leukemia from the ages of 4-13. In those years, I had some experimental treatments done and they caused me to die a total of 7 times. The first 3 times, I was in a boat floating on water and the water extended as far as I could see, the water reflected the sky and it looked like a completely different dimension. There was no one else at first but I reached out to touch the water and I heard a voice behind me say "you shouldn't do that." And when I turned around to see who spoke, I woke up in a hospital bed. Turns out my heart had stopped beating and I wasn't breathing for about 3 minutes. Deaths 4 and 5 were much the same except there was a moon this time and no one came to speak with me. Those times I had flatlined during surgery. These lasted for 2 minutes each. Death 6 was very dark, the water was blood red with bodies floating in the water and the moon was a pitch black hole in the sky. I can't really remember our conversation but what I do remember is him asking if I wanted to live or not and that he required a price. I remember very vividly that his teeth were like a wolf's and his eyes were a fierce and intimidating yellow. When I looked into them, they looked hollow and it felt like I was being pulled into them, not physically, but a part of me. After looking into them for what felt like forever, he said thank you, smiled a wolfish smile, told me to close my eyes, and as soon as I did, felt excruciating pain on my shoulder and when I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital bed again. This time I had been dead for 7 minutes. My last death was completely different, I was sitting on a tree stump with a campfire in front of me and the light of the fire let me know I was in a small clearing with a thick forest surrounding me. I could see the moon clearly and this time, it was blood red. I heard a snap, like a twig breaking and that was when I realized there was someone sitting across from me. He was about 6ft sitting down and even sitting, I could tell he was a beast of a man. He had the same yellow eyes I remember, same wolf-like grin, long and wild jet black hair with streaks of white in places, heavily muscled and shirtless, like he had been living in that forest his whole life, cargo pants and black combat boots. I can't describe how his voice sounded because my conversation with him is very fuzzy and garbled but I remember him saying something about a blood contract and I woke up again. This time, I had been dead so long that I actually scared the doctors and nurses when I started suddenly breathing and my heart was beating no problem, and somehow they miraculously saved me from my cancer. I honestly have no idea what to make of it and it'd be great to know what I've gotten myself into. Being 22 now, I feel like something is missing but I don't know what and I'm showing signs of sociopathy like issues, mainly, I can't feel emotions. Was that a demon or something? I told one of my exes about this and she believes his name was fenrir. I don't even know where to begin if that's the case, does that mean he took my soul in exchange for my life? Or is it possession like type stuff? Any insight is much appreciated
