I'm writing here with what I can only assume it's a very unusual story and a few equally unusual questions.
Firstly I'd like to give some history into my situation, I've always been fascinated by the occult in any form and my whole family practices its own form of folkish magics. From a young age I was told stories of crystals that resonate with you and herbs that hold spiritual properties. In my early teens I began dabbling myself and that's where I first encountered my predicament. I first noticed a problem with crystals, even with the reassurance that others could feel something out of it I personally never felt any connection or resonance from stones of any sort. The same goes for places of nature, the wooded area that others enjoyed felt dead and empty to me. As I got older some of my fellow dabblers made points that their wards and crystals felt drained after I handled them. All the while I felt nothing from the objects and places that reputable sources speak of. In honesty I became quite upset about all of it, I could watch others use rocks for a much needed energy boost when the same stone was devoid of anything in my hands.
However, this drastically changed during my last year of high school when my family moved to the small town that I now reside. I've always loved exploring and on the edge of town there's a small wooded area on the other side of a set of railway tracks. On a walk I stumbled upon some old foundations that used to be a way station or something of the kind. The area resonated with me, I could feel hints of something, after years of visiting the site the only words that describe the feeling would be abandonment or solitude, like the realization that you've been forgotten but that you're ok with it. I've brought others to the location and most of them say it feels wrong or impure, it leaves others drained and upset while it brings me a sense of balance and energy.
Further into the woods there is a place where the railway use to run east to west, the rails and ties have been pulled up but the rock still runs for miles and there's an old wooden bridge to get there. I've brought most everyone I know there and they all have the same statement about it, that is simply wrong. Even in summer animals won't stay out there, the cicadas don't stay in the trees near by, at night the wooded area is different than at day. Some of my more in tuned friends have seen things while on the old road, never figures or beings but doors and structures. Even spiritually the area presents itself as artificial instead of natural.
Since finding the old road I've found that I can now feel that resonance that I've always heard about but it isn't from the usual sources. Antiques, dilapidated buildings, parts of old structures, all of these carry an energy for me that others either can't feel or are immediately disturbed by. However, it isn't inherently negative energy, it's almost a grey zone, equal parts negative and positive without negating each other.
It's been about 5 years since and I've only became more perceptive to this grey zone, I can feel other energies if their strong but it always feels lacking, like a coin with only one a head. In the past two years I've researched this endlessly with no returns. I can't find a single source about this and even experienced members of my local circles have a hard time understanding what I'm feeling.
This brings me to my questions:
In your time have any of you ever heard of other cases like this?
Do any of you know what this grey zone of energy could be?
Why is it that this resonates with me so
well when it has such a negative effect on others?
In the five years that I've been practicing with this I've developed an affinity for it, I can now channel and store this energy quite easily and from what I've found in my research it takes much longer to learn this that I've spent. I have to wear wards because this energy drains the rest of my circle, even to the point of damaging wands and charms as they seem to loose their connection to their owner. How is this happening of even possible?
Any help or information would be appreciated greatly and thank you for your time.