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Forums -> General Info -> Yabbuts

By: Moderator / Knowledgeable
Post # 1

This was brought on by a Yabbut on another message board that I post to....

I have had a number of students over the years with what I refer to as the "Yabbut Syndrome". These are students who have come to me and asked to study with my coven and who express a sincere interest in learning what we have to offer. But the truth of the matter is that they don't really want to learn from us what we have to teach. What they really want is to be handed a magical solution of all of life's problems that won't require them to do a lot of work to get there (including doing the work that our training requires!). They have already decided that such a solution exists and they aren't going to take my word for it that it does not. In fact I have had some of them accuse us of deliberately hiding the secrets to our "mystical powers" from them on purpose.

Sometimes it takes a bit to flush these strange birds out of the bushes..but often they give themselves away when handed their first assignment. In either case they can be spotted by their distinctive cry of "Yabbut! Yabbut!"

They will pose a question..the teacher will respond with a suggestion on how to handle it. and the student will respond with "Yeah, but. ...." There is always a reason why they cannot do the thing that the teacher is asking them to do. And I have learned the hard way over the years that most Yabbuts will not change their behaviors. No matter how hard the teacher tries to help them they will continue to utter their call of "Yabbut!" until the teacher finally gives up in frustration. At which point the student will often try to hang guilt for their failure on the teacher by saying that we never gave them a solution that would work..when what they really mean is that we didn't give them the solution they wanted.

It used to really bother me when I had a student like this that I could not reach. And then one day it occurred to me that I was being foolish to accept the guilt from that particular trip. We are a religion that stresses personal responsibility. I have a responsibility to teach in the best way that I can. But... The student has a personal responsibility to do the learning part of the equation, and that means doing the work requested of them, trying things that are suggested..and not just making excuses for why they will not. So I refuse to accept the fares for this guilt trip anymore.

I, like most of us, have a busy life.I am active in my local interfaith community. I teach classes on counseling in the local Pagan community. I am active in the SCA and working on another large piece of early medieval embroidery. I run a home and take care of a horde of I am more than willing to help anyone out who really wants the help. But I don't have time to spend with Yabbuts. So....if I find out that I am dealing with a Yabbut I find that the best thing to do is to simply walk away before I can get sucked into their game.

If you're interested in learning more about Yabbuts, I would suggest checking into the book "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, MD. It's a fascinating book and well worth the read for anyone who has students of their own or who is running a group.

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Re: Yabbuts
By: Moderator / Adept
Post # 2
I get a lot of these asking me to teach them Wicca.When I tell them I don't know enough about Wicca, and that I am not a Wiccan, they say "Yabbut" you say that you are a witch! That's when I put the Block on!
Of course, they are usually children; but I've had a few adults also asking me to teach Wicca!
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Re: Yabbuts
By: / Novice
Post # 3
lol i've dealt with 'Yabbuts' too. sometimes in Divine Essence Coven, but most of the time through private messages i need to learn to take a step back i guess.. it's also frustrating when they ask a question and i give them an answer but it's not the one they wanted to hear so they just ask me again and again until i sigh and agree with them.

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Re: Yabbuts
Post # 4
I love your post Lark, it totally reminds me of someone I know. She keeps asking the same questions antagonistically if she doesn't hear the answer she wants. Also people here who won't settle for anything but a secret formula that doesn't involve any effort.
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