how do I actually be initiated as a Wiccan? I know the Initiations are usually for covens but, I don't want to just say I am Wiccan without actually being Initiated. I feel it would be disrespectful to those who have gone before me to not be initiated as a Wiccan.
am I wrong to feel this way or Am I wrong to want to be Initiated as a Wiccan?
Strictly speaking, you cannot initiate yourself into any religion!
However, Janet & Stewart in their book A Witches Bible, do lay out a method of self-initiation when one cannot find a real coven.
The problem with that, is the lack of the real rituals and ceremonies that are so uplifting and joyous in even a small coven. And, certainly,the inner mysteries of Wicca cannot be learnt without initiation! I am not Wiccan, but I do understand it. And I am old enough to have known some of the original Wiccans.
Also, there so many "paths" of Wicca these days.The original two were Gardnerian (from Gerald Gardner), and Alexandrian (Not very much different from Gardner).
So, I would say that self initiation is possible; but a real coven is much better.
In my opinion, self-initiation is a misnomer. In order to be initiated one needs both a group into which to be initiated into the group egregore and someone to initiate them. Initiation is more than just saying one wants to be part of a particular religion. It involves certain specific rituals that open one up to the Greater Mysteries.
When you hear an author speak of " self-initiation " I believe it would be more correct to say that one is doing a "self-dedication" in which one makes certain promises to one's self and to the Gods that they are going to follow and practice a particular spiritual path. I think this is what the Farrar's were actually describing in their book.
LucensStella, I don't think you are wrong at all for wanting to be initiated as a Wiccan. If that is what you want to do then there is no reason not to pursue an initiation. You might do some research into some of the many Traditions of Wicca and then see if there is one that appeals to you and seek out a coven of that Tradition. In the meantime I see no reason not to go ahead with a self-dedication ritual and call yourself Wiccan if you wish. Or if you aren't prepared yet to call yourself Wiccan at this point in your life, you might consider the term Wiccan Seeker, which is a common appellation for someone who has not yet been initiated.
If I can help you in any way or answer any question about Wicca for you do feel free to ask me.