Warning::: this is really long and I apologize ahead of time. I have never shared this with anyone before, but for some reason I felt the need to share it tonight. I know there. a reason for it... so if you happened across this and it (for some odd reason) just made sense that you read this then please share it with me because I don't understand why I wrote this but knew I had to. Sorry for all of the things that might not make sense in spots... my auto correct and I don't agree some of the time and I don't catch some of the sneaky word swaps the bugger does ;)
I would like to talk about the state of Bardo (Tibetan) or Antarbhava (Sanskrit) in which a spirit is in a liminal state (in-between) physical existence... the time between death and re-birth. Its a time, or state of being (or not being? lol), to which you reflect on what you accomplished and experiencef, what you failed to accomplished or experience, whether you met goals that you set for yourself durning your last Bardo state and to plan out and set goals for your next birth. Some say that we choose exactly what we will look like, who our parents will be, in what situation you will be borough into and raised among many other specifics. I don't know about the latter thoughts but a few years ago I became convinced that there was such a thing as a Bardo state of in-between.
I had always wanted to see the nation, travel, meet different types of people, experience different filters, etc.... so since I didn't have the means to just take off and travel, I became an over-the-road Truckdriver and got paid for it :). I had emersed myself in enjoying all the sights, freedom and other benifits and about 5 years ago I happened to meet a very interesting, spiritual man that was selling herbs (he has a HUGE herb ~farm?~ and sells herbs for a living! How cool is that!?). I had never really been into herbs up to then so I found it very strange that I was drawn to him and his herb tent. I got to talking to him and he seemed VERY knowledgeable, kind and generally nice person... but I could feel/sense there was much more to him and our meeting than any other situation of the same circumstances. He seemed so excited I (ME specifically) was there. It wasn't until later that I ran our meeting back in my mental vision that I pieced things together and things he had said that I didn't completely pick up on at the time. He seemed to had known I was coming or knew I was supposed to be on a very spiritual path or even, maybe, that I was special somehow that he could sense. He seemed like he knew I was on a very powerful spiritual journey and into occult and spiritual things. He basically came out and told me he knew I was a Wizard... I figured he had been sampling too much of the "back room stash" stuff! I let him know that I wasn't, at all really, on a spiritual path but that I felt I was connected to energies in such a way that I could manipulate things in the physical reality, but that I hadn't really paid attention to it in years ... I had never told anyone that! Why did I tell him? I don't know!? He basically told me I had to get in touch with my path, get spiritual, that I was very much spiritual and powerful. I asked what herbs he would suggest so that I could sleep better but wake up with out being groggy. He pointed out the usual herbs (I still use all of these herbs) and so I bought a couple. I figured he was just acting the way he was at first to get me to buy stuff, although not a very good sales pitch to most big stocky truckers that pull up out front in a Peterbilt (lol) until he started telling me I should use this herb and this herb for this ::puts it in a paper bag::, another two herbs for something else ::bagged them too::, try this for this::in the bag it went::, this went on until my 5-6 little herb bags and a few tools (about $30 worth of stuff) turned into a chocked full to the brim bag with $80+ worth of stuff! I actually turned down a bunch of stuff because I felt bad that he was giving me so much. He only charged me $25 for all of it! He quickly turned the conversation back to me getting into the occults and spirituality. It was odd but strangely eye-opening. I truly felt this guy knew or sensed somehow that I was supposed to become a friggin Wizard or something! I had always liked wizards and thought it would be awesome to be so wise, powerful, help others, etc but it was just fantasy thoughts. He gave me his card with his business number and website and wrote his personal number on the back and told me that I could call him if I had questions or needed herbs... and that while his prices are the lowest out there, if I called him he would give me a box full for little over the cost of shipping.
OK... so I got down the road, found a spot for the night and made some catnip tea. I kept thinking about the events of the day and how strange it was. The next night, I had parked in a rest area... I hadn't made any teas or ate anything out of the ordinary for me. Just before I woke up I recognized an astral projection type of state like I had many times as a child. I don't remember much of it but I can still recall/relive the general overall feeling of what happened. I was communicating with other energies, there were no faces or "bodies", just the present of energies. I was among a couple of energies that were not Gods, but more like Guides or keepers in a sense that they made decisions along the lines of bringing a spirit to them and say: "Hey, you really aren't doing what you said you were going to. I say you come back, regroup, get another plan together, wait for your turn to head back to get a body and try again." That's basically what they said. There was another energy there, maybe my spirit guide, that kind of stuck up for me but also let me know that I needed to buckle down and try to remember what my goals were that I made durning my Bardo. I know that in the moment I could remember exactly what my mission and goals were but I forgot almost as soon as I woke up. Some other things that were mentioned was that for a spirit with so much aptitude and power, I really wasn't doing much with it and it was disappointing to them. My defense was that when you come back you have no clue as to what you are capable of, who you are, your mission and goals and the mainstream thinking very much deters you from realizing and going after what you are there for! I pointed out that the reality we are born into seems like its precisely designed to work AGAIBST you in your goals and mission. I don't recall the answer but was left with the feeling that its not a product of their doing but there ARE energies that put the system in place and that much of it is, in fact, designed to hinder your progress. I feel that SOME of it is there to challenge you and another bit is there so you can experience things that we as humans would not choose to experiense if we had the choice, but that they are things we must experience in order to move ahead on in our journey. The rest of the crap holding us back and getting in our way is more of a sinister conglomerate of different energies that spawn from different places but all gain from us not knowing, learning or finding our path, so they combine forces to make things as difficult as possible for us. I have no idea who or what these energies are, I just have accepted what I was left knowing/feeling about the situation. The next thing I remember was pleading to go back so I could carry out my duties, accomplish my goals and succeed in my mission. I don't remember what my duties are tho! lol They agreed but I felt like I was in control of whether I went back or not. They told me I should hurry and then told me that, of course, I would only remember as much as was allowed (I got the feeling there are very well known rules about not knowing much of what you need to accomplish and things that would be really helpful! lol) and I sent myself back to my physical body. So there I was on my bed in the sleeper of my truck thinking about how glad I was to be back and not have to wait to get another chance to come back. (It must be a very long time in general for most to come back. only a few get to get right back to a body) I thought about how I was going to change my life, all the goals I was going to accomplish in this life and rejoycing in the fact that I could remember everything that I wasn't supposed to and how I felt lucky that they messed up and didn't blank a bunch of it out like all the rest of the times!!....... Then I realized I wasn't breathing!! I flew out of the bunk and in a split second I was up by the gearshift between the seats. I tried my harvest to breath but couldn't! I checked my neck for a pulse-nothing! checked my wrist-nothing! I stuck my fingers down my throat to unblock my airway but I couldn't feel anything! I was in a pretty good panic by this point. I opened the drivers door and sat in the drivers seat to try to get fresh cold air but it didn't help. I tried breathing thru my nose to no avail. I jumped out of the truck (not climbed down, I jumped out!) and I might have fallen but remember standing up very quickly. I put my arms over my head and arched my back to try to promote a better bronchial passage way but I just could not breath! I checked my pulse again and could find one so I balled my right hand into a tight fist and beat my chest over and over. Finally I started to slowly be able to hear again (I hadn't noticed I couldn't hear until I started hearing again) I checked my pulse and I felt a few slow rhythms.. finally I started to be able to breath again! I took so many huge breaths of air that I nearly fainted from being so light headed. I sat down on the step of my truck for a few moments and started to notice I was getting colder and colder. It was only in the teens or 20's out, I was in northern New York in early winter and only had my underwear on! I found my way back inside just as soon as I could to warm up. I noticed that I had remembered the situation but forgot the stuff I shouldn't had remembered! I know that there are explanations for the events of what happened and the psychology of what happened with near death/death experiences but usually you will hallucinate things that you have a belief in or knowledge of... this wasn't what I was expecting when I died at all! I had never really believed in a Bardo state because of the conditioning we receive growing up usually tells of a Heaven like in my household. So, that was my Bardo state-like experience. Do you have one you wish to share? -Tonkor