Ok, I'm 25 years old and about 2 years ago I started having weird visions, some of them were demonic, some of them were of me being in a coven and some were just completely off the wall memories of things that never happened in my life, yet I believed them because they were so vivid. Anyways, time went on, and these "fake memories" started driving me crazy, my life became even worse then it was. At some point, I started seeing spiritual beings around me, faces of light and shadow, but vivid ones, so I knew they were real and not just the light playing tricks on my eyes. I had visions of an old bearded man, telling me he was god, he was sweet and kind at some points and cruel and sadistic at others. He promised me the world. Money, a woman, a comfortable life and my own house, not to mention power. I started seeing this mans face in my own reflection sometimes, and I still do. He communicates with me now through my own thoughts and physically controls my facial features, he ma
kes me smile a lot and laugh. I can feel him in my body. He will not tell me who he is. Sometimes he says he's a demon, sometimes he says he's god and sometimes he says he's the devil. All I know is that my life went down hill, but once he stopped tormenting me so much, he started promising me those things that he initially said I would have again. My life has started to improve. He says that he is filling me with mana and that I have more power than I know, also that I am not what I think I am, when I ask what am I, he says, nothing you want to know of yet, you're going to like who you are. I want to know if there is anyone out there who knows anything about this or has experienced anything like this, feeling another force that can control your body and mind. I believe in him, yet I dont know who he is, I believe when he says that I will have it good in the end. Also, I want to know about the underworld, because in christian belief, it seems to be a pit of fire and lava tha
t we all suffer in, but thats not what others believe, I want to know what its going to be like when I get there, can anyone help me with these things, or point me somewhere, to a group, to a book, to a person who could explain this to me?
Also, I feel someone touching my body constantly, usually in a pleasurable way, and I hear the whispering in my ear of a comforting woman. I don't know if I'm pagan or who my god is, but maybe this is my god doing this, but how did this begin, how did it all start? I never knowingly invoked a spirit, why would I have been chosen for this? I do honestly believe that the result will be good though, I guess only time will tell, but should I join a coven, read a certain book? how do I learn about what I'm going through, I dont know if anyone else is going through the same thing.
Any input you have would be much appreciated, thank you for your time.