This is my first post on here, so be please be gentle. Let me forewarn you that my question is probably multifaceted and has multiple parts, but bare with me.
I?ve always been drawn to the occult and mystical aspects of life, and I would say the same could be said for the females on my mother?s side. I was told not too long ago my a reliable psychic that I possessed some psychic abilities, and that I was particularly empathic. Not sure how psychic I am honestly, in fact, I don?t think I am as ?super psychic? as she claims I was, but I agree that I?m fairly empathic and it can be a blessing or a curse. Fortunately, I?ve found a forum in which I can use it as a tool, as I work in the mental health field. So, that being said, I?ve always felt like I amparticularly cursed with bad luck, from chronic illness early on, to the worst case of romance blues ever! I?ve been reassured by several ?gifted? individuals that I am not in fact cursed, but I feel like some negative energy is always looming inside of me.
SO?.where is she going with this right? Okay, so?..
About ten years ago I began experimenting with spells as a na?ve and stupid novice. Surprisingly, I actually had some successes with love spells particularly. However, I think they later came back and bite me on the ass, given that the spells casted to reunite myself and my then boyfriend worked too well, and in essence, I ended up with a psycho ex. Nonetheless, in the past ten years or so I have developed my craft, read as much as I possibly could , researched and studied on energies, meditation, mindfulness, centering, grounding, spells, and rituals. I think spiritually I have definitely developed, and in regards to my empathy abilities, have gotten much better at sensing energies which make me feel positive, negative, anxious, etc. However, I still consider myself a novice, still learning about correspondences, creating the right circle, etc. Anyways, despite all this, I have been forever unlucky in love. No, like really unlucky. In essence, I tend sabotage my relationships for various reasons, with the underlying issue always being insecurity and fear of being hurt/rejected. I?ve been told that I can be charming, attractive, gregarious, etc. and can do pretty well at captivating a man when I first begin dating him, to the point that they become pretty ?clingy? and consumed with me. However, somewhere along the line, I do something incredibly emotionally toxic, like start a fight or something, that ruptures the relationship. Then I find myself broken hearted, weeping, desperate, and turn once again to my familiar book of shadows to mend my wounded heart. Sometimes the spells work, sometimes they don?t. No matter how much I focus or visualize, their effectiveness seems arbitrary. I suspect, maybe foolishly, that spirit guides or guardian angels intercept the spells because I am not meant to be back in a relationship with the person that dumped me. But I?m not sure.
Currently, I find myself incredibly consumed with an individual who I was in a brief, albeit incredibly passionate relationship with. He is an Aries, and I am a Libra, and for those who subscribe to the beliefs of astrology, you understand that these signs are opposite and charged with high energy. It?s either extremely good or extremely bad. The relationship was pretty dramatic, and I blame myself with more than once creating a toxic situation where I intentionally acted like a brat. No surprise, he dumped me, began seeing someone new almost immediately, and would occasionally send some sort of benign contact (oh Facebook). When that relationship ended, he wanted to see me again, but I brushed him off somewhat. Partly because I was seeing somewhat new, and partly because I was just confused. I have moments where I am completely over this person, who I have not spoken too in about 4 months or so. Then there are periods where I feel like I am the one who is spellbound and so obsessed with him. Regardless, I admit, I definitely have done a few ?come back to me? spells. Nonetheless, I have casted several spells, using all the basic elements, and following all the ?rules? and?.nothing. Am I in essence impotent as a spell caster? What am I doing wrong?.okay that?s a super broad question?..what can I do to make this more effective? Or is it better to let him go and cast a spell drawing true love to me instead of a recent ex?
I know how pathetic and lame this all sounds. Trust me, I?m rolling my eyes at my own post. But I cannot ascertain what is it about this one individual that I am so incredibly drawn to! I completely am aware of all his many flaws, and have moments where I?m think to myself ?ugh, seriously? I use to find that attractive?? And then there are other moments where I just feel merciless against his magnetism. It?s been like this since April, and it?s driving me mad! I even started seeing someone new for a few months, which usually does the trick of getting over an ex. And still, stuck on this guy! I just don?t understand why I feel so drawn to him, and furthermore, why my spells aren?t working. I suspect there is indeed a thread of him that has some feeling for me, albeit a small faint threat.
Anyways, any feedback on any of this nonsense I just spewed out would be appreciated. Increasing effectiveness of love spells, knowing when to shift ?spell? tactics, energy shifts or letting go?..any advice on this stuff would really help.