I'm posting here as a last resort. I have tried using magic in the past, when I was much younger and "innocent", but it did not work.
I suffer from phobias, anxiety (panic attacks, fainting, crying, shouting). A small dose of antidepressants and the occasional chill pill (mostly benzos) usually help me.
I go to the appropriate doctors for my issues and take my treatment responsibly.
However, I was also a victim of bullying as a child which led to a suicide attempt and me scarring my left arm for life by scratching it really hard until it bleeds, then not leaving the scar alone.
I tried praying, hypnotism, relaxation, and relaxing music. They all worked... at one point. Hypnotism had some nasty side-effects so I'd rather not try it again, even if it works really well on me.
My psychologist told me to stop being so negative and projecting so much negative energy. I'm guilty of that. I want to be positive and to let go of all my past wounds and present problems.
The thing is, I don't believe in anything anymore. I spent the whole day in bed because college terrorizes me. I'm starting my Masters and I am extremely scared of having to do research and just life in general.
I need your help guys.
Can someone please help me with beginning magic?
All I have is a pendulum and a couple of stones that I can't identify.
I'd like help against phobias, protective spells against bullies and people who harm me with words, healing spells for my "tense" areas (neck, headaches).
I think I also need a way to have confidence in myself because I really want to practice magic.
I'd also like to get rid of my fears of exams and school.