Hello and Blessed Be. I need some serious help.
The past year and a half has helped me to lose knowledge over who I am...
Religion has terrified me every waking day. Please, for any experienced adults who read this...I need an older person's outlook. Here is my story.
When I was very young, I was intrigued by witches and the idea of magick. For years it followed me and I started researching witchcraft after being more interested from a Disney movie. That is when the mysteries of Paganism slowly unraveled. Again I continued on/off with my practice and research. Of course discrimination and stares followed, but onward I went. It got to around two years ago, when I was fifteen. After a year break from my spell casting studies, I returned to SoM to meet others with the same interest. I met a dear friend from here and that is where things began to go downhill.
You see, I didn't focus on the religion aspect of magick.. Wicca is what I quickly jumped into, after being introduced to the religious concept of magick by my friend. I finally had someone as serious and passionate as me around to learn and study with. Several years before I had friends behind me that either pretended to be interested or ones that gave up. I quickly got attached to the fact that there was someone new, someone in my state, and my practice began to become serious. My heart is drowning like a broken ship.
Over the course of several months, because of this practice I've been involved in, I've contemplated dropping my Christian faith to become Pagan. I truly do feel love for Paganism. When I practice, I am over joyed. I feel connected to all things and the level of peace I obtain is amazing. I never received such strong feelings about a religion before. I am only seventeen, but my mind has been ripped by new thoughts.
Is this true devotion or have I just been under influence for the past two years? I became so lost in my practices that I neglected a friendship. I created an uneasy, tension filled relationship that has officially failed. I've been flying down into an endless pit with my love of witchcraft and Paganism experience. I feel I want, more than anything to consider myself a Pagan to my family and friends.
But....is this real, or just a clouded dream by being misguided?