Darling, everyone can be stubborn and unpleasent. I know I have my moments, and a lot of times some people can really make you riled up on here. You shouldn't blame yourself.
It's good that you're noticing the bad things and working to fix them, as that's something I've always tried doing. This post automatically makes me have a lot of respect for you. It's okay to be rude every once in a while, so don't beat yourself up every time. If you like you could mail me, I'm always willing to help. I wish you well. :)