About a year and a half ago, although it is probably about two (my sense of time is slow so a year feels like a month to me) I experienced what I think some call an awake dream.
It felt like a dream because when it ended I jerked awake, however, when it happened I could tell it wasn't a dream. It was sort of... well I don't exactly know what it was which is why I am looking for guidance.
I was in my bedroom, on my bed in the middle of the night. The 'dream' started when I 'woke', although when you are dreaming you generally start in the middle of the story or there abouts and sort of guess where you came into it. Anyway (sorry, I'm kind of all over the place). So I was lying on my bed, but I was paralised, like there was a very strong force holding me in place. I tried to speak and my mouth was firmly closed. My lips felt as though they were sewn together. There were these strange lights, two or three of them hovering around me and a few in the distance, sort of up high near the far corners of the room near the cieling. The ones around me were either golden or silver, with streaks of blue and a bit of purple floating around them. They seemed to bob around, like they were the aura of people outside the visible plane. The way they moved and the atmosphere made it seem like they were working on me, as though I was on an operating table and they were experimenting or preparing me for something. The smaller, plainer white lights towards the cieling felt like centries, guarding and watching the procedure.
The more colourful lights bobbed around for a fair while, I am not entirely sure how long. I kept struggling and trying to speak to them but no matter what I did I couldn't move a muscle. I could not even blink. After what felt like forever an odd sensation took over me and the world tipped backwards. I saw a version of myself, I guess it was like my soul, be ripped from my body (downwards from the head as if I were standing) and rushed like a video on fastforward towards the cieling of my bedroom pretty much in the centre of the 'guard lights'.
When the colourful lights rushed off with what looked like my soul (flailing and not making a sound) they took a more 'physical' form. I use quotation marks when I say physical as they were translucent, rather like a gas than a solid state. I think they were an off brown... not really grey but not brown or black. Its hard to tell since they were almost see through an my walls at mums were painted blue. Imagine a person dressed in a white sheet, only covered in dirt and filth and made of horrors and darkness... maybe not the right way to put it.
I don't remember what happens after that, it sort of cut to black. I woke up and it was still dark, although that could have been hours or seconds after the black out.
Since then, I have felt... I want to say deeper but that sounds sort of pretentious. Free is the wrong turn of phrase. I know it sounds freightening but I feel almose liberated.
I also have had multiple experiences with earthquake like tremours running through my body. They increase and the world tips backwards and there's an extreme sense of vertigo. I have not had these for some time now, although I have been feeling very stressed almost to the point of hypertension and it is very hard to relax. That may be the reason as when I felt the vibrations they often happened frequently in the same night and would go on for some time.
There are a few more semi-concious dreams that I have experienced as well, most of them while I was sill living with my mom and her new family. It was traumatic living there so maybe that may be a part of it. One of these is particuarly odd but I will bring it up in a later post.
I am wondering whether anybody else has experienced something similar and whether or not anybody may know what it is?
(I know it happened a long time ago and am not sure if I should mention this or not, but certain events like that I am capeable of recalling completely. I think they call it a photographic memory. I did not make this up!)