I?m not entirely sure if this is the right place to seek, but I give it a try.
I?m having a huge respect for what is considered "magick", for energies, for spells. Since my childhood I believed that there are energies and that one can use them.
I?ve been sort of scared since someone arround me has used magick (she had no idea or control nor the respect for what she was doing) against me , wich resulted in frequent visits of demons/spirits and me turning unbelievably sick. After she forgot about me, I was fine again.
I?ve had a friend and he used to be similar to me, but I know he started dealing with black magick and turned into a rather scary person, someone I cannot call a friend anymore, we became enemies.
Through these encounters and my own nature and other happenings here and there through my life I feel like it?s somehow meant for me to know how to use my energies, the energies arround me, to know about magic.
I?ve tons of questions and feel like most information I can get on the internet and some books is created for the broad mass, for people who want love or money.
I?d be extremely grateful if someone could give me some advises on where to start, some book-recommentations would be great.
Welcome to the site! As with all things, the best place to start is at the beginning. For magick practice, check out topics about 'the basics' in our forums. (Things like meditation, visulisation and energy flow).
You sound like you are looking for a more focused learning opportunity, so perhaps you'd benefit from joining one of the covens on this site. Have a look at their pages, and choose what suits you.
Many questions are discussed and answered in the public chat. Good luck! :)