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Waning Crescent Moon
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Forums -> Misc Topics -> Peace

Post # 1
I'm going through a bitter custody battle. I have found that as it goes on, 2 yrs now, I'm consumed more and more by bitterness, rage, and a strong desire for revenge. I'm normally a very happy, optimistic person. How can I restore peace in my self? Is there an effective way to release the hate an anger? Any suggestions are appreciated.

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Re: Peace
By: / Adept
Post # 2
Life can be a lot to bear. I take comfort in knowing that what shows up is what we have room for.

Personally, what has helped me are three things:
~ Regular acupuncture, preferable from a Five-Element Practitioner

~ Some sort of internal, daily practice - i do Sufi Remembrance every morning, with some other sitting practices, and qigong - this is 30 minutes to one hour every morning i spend on myself, refilling my cup so i have more to give. Seriously, i will wake up at 5 am if need be to get this in. It is critical to my well-being, and i think it is missing from a lot of people's lives.

~ Some sort of external practice - i do light jogging/walking and weight-lifting mixed with taiji. As an (student) acupuncturist, the Liver (think of the energy of the Liver, not just the organ) is responsible for the emotion of anger; the Liver also likes movement - therefore anger gets processed, partially, through movement. I also eat as clealy as possible so the body can focus more on healing, less on digesting animal protein and processed garbage. What this looks like specifically varies from person to person.

You are comprised of a body, mind, and spirit. Emotions affect people on all levels, so you have to be very proactive *on all levels* to not let emotions hemhorrage you. Seriously, just go through the motions at first - lovingly forcing yourself to tend to yourself.

What makes you happy? When are you joyful? Healing happens when you increase joy in your life. Make joyfullness and lightness a priority - schedule it in!

I cannot stress the importance of having a spiritual (or internal) practice. What has helped me significantly are the Sufi healing practices of opening your Heart:
If this does not speak to you, every culture has a spiritual healing practice - find what does speak to you.

One of the practices include opening your Heart through meditation and putting these strong emotions into your Heartspace - something that i'm finding near impossible to convey through this medium - as long as your pain is 51% Heart, then you're healing versus hemhorraging. Set a timer if you need to for 15 minutes or so, really focus on opening your Heart to the anger and the custody battle, cry, whatever, and when the bell goes off, then go about your day. By working on it diligently, bit by bit, your Heart will begin to soften the anger.

And don't be too proud to get help - i love acupuncture, and an acupuncturist can be a great help to move energy in your body (emotions are qi in motion). Like i said, not all acupuncturists are trained the same. If you're fortunate enough to live somewhere developed, then perhaps you have a Five Element acupuncturist nearby. Regardless, any body-work healing modality helps if you ressonate with the practitioner.

Lastly, the Chinese character for "crisis" is the same character for "opportunity." In what way is this situation a blessing? Can you create a bigger story of this custody battle, one that's big enough to live in? Perhaps the way you're holding it now is a killing story. Please be gentle on yourself.
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Re: Peace
Post # 3
Your post really helped so very much! As I read, I realized that I am internalizing this issue far more than I should and allowing them the power to affect my emotions. Only I can control what I allow others to do to me and how they make me feel.

I will start first with the "me" time you suggest. I never have even 5 minutes to focus on myself, my body, or my spirit. I have a deep seated feeling that I must be available to my family for everything. I will work on letting that go and realizing that my family would instead be healthier spiritually if I'm healthier spiritually.

I will start to try to look at this situation as just another stepping stone in life that could possibly end well. An opportunity to learn and grow.

Once again, I appreciate the response. Just reading it brought sense of peace and self realization. And I WILL make meditation time a priority as well as look into your other suggestions. Thank you.
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Re: Peace
By: / Beginner
Post # 4
ToniaR, try going to see a counselor; trust me, it works wonders.
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