I have been interested in magic from an early age, but never have i ever done anythingserious, or even attempted any spells larger than finding lost items. I don't know much about magic, though i do have a large general knowledge of the occult. I probably never would have wanted to try anything large. I had always feared it wouldn't work, proving to me the absence of magic, which i would hate to discover, or it would work and go terrably wrong and backfire. I find myself now in a bad possission. I don't really have any options anymore. I no longer have a belief system, so if a spell fails, i lose nothing, and if it backfires, i have nothing to lose anymore. There is a specific kind of spell I need. I have never done anything big before, and I don't even know where to start looking for a spell that would work, let alone know anything about doing it. I need help in finding and performing the spell i need. I need a spell that alters reality.
First, You are not sure and you don't believe that magic realy works and realy can help. Why do you want to preform somethnig in which you aren't sure? Secound, The magic is not a game. You can't just try. Third, you first have to clear yourslef from all your fears and you have to be sure in what you are doing.
Believe me when I say that there is always something left to lose. When spells go wrong it is from what intent you have put into it. Your frame of mind when doing spell work is very important. i would say now is not the time to try casting a major spell. you could be opening up a whole new set of problems.