Just a litel part about you wish to 'regain the hope' part.
That you 'lost your way' what magick is/do for you. The philosophy part that the wise lady abow are talking about is fine for this.
'what do you wish to give' and where you want to go. (what you want to learn)
to realise what you truly want, and/or need.
Make it your wish. A wish can grow to hope.
One thing that helps many on theyr path. Isn't just to seek 'out' to find somthing.
But also to seek 'in' yourself.
'who am i, what am I. To me'
there is many ways to do things. Many paths.
'how can I know mine, if I don't know me? '
might be usefull for you. Or might not be your way.
But it's one:)