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Forums -> General Info -> hey i have this book im..

hey i have this book im..
By:
Post # 1
starting to work on if u can look at this first chapter tell me what u think tell me if its a waste of time or now i would appretiate it thanks




6 week till midnight

present day

The cold wolves are wimpering tonight, one of them has died, i killed him.

i stand on the grey, moss covered rock over looking the silent lake. My life i had once known is no longer
real. The shy boy had died, along with my loved ones. i spose i should start at the begining. its hard to look back
but i must expose the truth that i hold to mabey give some insite to the one's who reads this letter. but let u be
warned who ever reads this u will no longer wish to be alone in the moon lit sky. it all started at my dreaded 16th
birthday........

6 week's ago

"suprise!"
I awake to my mom standing over me with a empty bag wavering in her hands."mom u didnt have to do this im
old anough now that i dont need the ballons" every year my whole life my mom has had a little suprise she does for
us when i awake she throws balloons over me, not the most expensive thing but we just try to stay true to what ever
she says.
"ya i know but its your birthday and i dont want to stop all of a sudden. i mean its not everyday your son
turns 16" mom says. "now hurry up grandpas making breakfast." my mom is sick she has something called liver diesease
i dont know the exact fact's of it but every few years it acts up makes her deathly looking and not very healthy so
my grandparents let us live there, ya know just until she got better. my mom drank alot in her ealy years that why
i think she had it so bad.
"good morning jacub ready for some chili and eggs" my grandpa was a marine he is the definition of
bad ass,he is the best man i know, hard working, generous, and always ready for a good laugh. when i was a kid and
my mom was a drunk he used to stick up for me he used to make sure my mom would miss treat me or anything like that.
like i said the best man i know.
" ohhhhhh grandpa u dont know how much im ready for that" i said.
And then i saw my brother he's 18 this year, that guy is crazy always wanting hugs and stuff hes a good guy
always there for me " happy birthday man how old are ya 10? 12? hahaha just joken, your 14 right?"he joked. "i
remember my 16th birthday, when i went to six flags, best time of my life besides the puking part" his names jake
ya i know sorta same name im not maken this up my mom setup our names before we were born to sound the same or
something some stupid thing.
"good morning everyone" said my sister jacy said. she was the one annoying person in my family tho i would
do anything to see her again."why is jacub so happy?"
"jacey stop u know its your brothers birthday" my grandma said. grandma she was the law and the order in this
house.she always kept things the way things should be or what she thought of the right way."happy birthday sweetheart"
i used to hate that house me always getting into trouble but anough about me let me keep going.
" here collin i know how much u love cup cakes so i got u a cup cake for breakfast." said mom
"haha thanks mom im sure suger is exactly what i need this morning." i said the cup cake was pink it had a
happy birthday sign on it. i started to eat it on the side with the most frosting. it seemed like the best place to
start.
" so jacub what are u figuring to do today? i may need some help in the basement today. moving some big
stuff, if u dont mind that is" said grandpa.
"sure what ever ill head down there jake come on help me out." i said
"ya im comin im comin" he said.
i began to walk down the steps kinda slow cause i dont like to be down there by myself always had the creeps
down there ever since i was a little kid.
by the time i got down the stairs jake caught up to me. "hey jake do u ever wonder what grandpa and grandma
have down here?"
"not really just old people stuff and christmas ordiments" jake said.
"ya your probly right just me and my imagination" i said. then i saw grandpa come down. " so grandpa what
do u need us to lift?"
"come over here ill show ya" grandpa said in his old man voice. he pointed to a board on the ground "i need
to tear this up its getting old i need to replace it with this new one" he grabbed a new looking board.
"ok jake lets start to rip this open get that crow bar" he walked over to the rusty old bar and throw it to me.
i stuck the bar in the crevase and stepped on it. the board broke "oh sorry grandpa."
"no problem jacub." said grandpa
Well i stared into the newly found hole that i had made and i saw a pair of red beating eyes i began to scream but
suddenly a pair of furry sharp paws came out at me. i had passed out on the floor of the basement.

end of chapter one



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Re: hey i have this book im..
By:
Post # 2
crap the things all messed up but if u can try to read it as it is plz do sorry i had it in a better format but it didnt send over
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Re: hey i have this book im..
By:
Post # 3
i thought it was good lol u should keep going
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Re: hey i have this book im..
By:
Post # 4
Other then fixing up some of the words in better English it is good, Your doing a smart thing letting a few of us tell you what is wrong and right, but try to get a friend that lives close to you so they can fully tell you what is wrong and right.
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Re: hey i have this book im..
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Post # 5
Heard the expression, too many cooks spoil the soup?
It's a good idea to get other perspectives on your writing, but be wary of taking it if it doesn't feel right to you. Also, if your writing goes stale on you, put it away for a few days. when you return to it, you'll find you can reread it with a fresh viewpoint.
Don't worry about spelling and grammer to much, after all, this is your first draft,those things can be corrected later. The most important thing is to get your Story down on paper and in your own words, not someone elses idea of what it should be. Get advise, but the final judgement as to taking it or not is yours .
Writer's Maxim: Don't judge a book by it's First Draft.
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Re: hey i have this book im..
By:
Post # 6
Also, if a scene doesn't move the story forward, no matter how much you like it, cut it! Every word should be used to move the tale forward to its logical conclusion. An outline and a synopsis is helpful here so you always know where you're going.
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