Serving the Lord and our heavenly father is all I got in life, he has put beautiful people in me life and through all I have been through I know that he is still with me in spirit and heart. I suffer from a mental illness and have been for many years now, the only thing that keeps me afloat is giving it my all for God, its not easy with the voices in my head and my back history is very ungodly, by heart is often heavy with many things that I have done but that has become a part of my testimony for many reasons. Often am I under attack by the enemy, and many a times I cant trust my own mind to think positively, I worship God all day everyday in my head but there is an opposite force speaking lies to me at all times. alittle about myself, and the things that I have explored on this earth not knowing that I was playing into the hands of the enemy.
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Here is what I have studied:
Buddhism, Taoism, (alittle) Hinduism, kabbalah, gnosticism, philosophy, meditations with chakra, bineral beats and mantras, ive had experiences with astral projection, channeling, forethought and "reading people" through aura, or cards and numerology, ive worked with making spells, runes and stones thinking these things had power, Ive worked with reiki, alchemy, frequencies and "sacred" geometry. I have even used psychedelics such as mushrooms and payote to see into the "spiritual realm".
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I have claimed myself to be many things along this time, among them self proclaimed titles that when I look back I have to pray........ things among them are Sage, ive called myself an angel, a spiritual warrior fighting in imaginations and delusions, and even for a while I followed new age teachings of love and sending energy to people in need calling myself God.....
Ive hated God, thought God didnt exist, rebuked God, ran from God and came back to God. But through it all God never let me go to far :)
Ive spent the majority of my life serving myself and the my own understanding, but all this took a toll on the well being of my mind and spiritual being, now, through the grace of God I have come to serve Christ and God by spreading my experience and the truth from the bible. all paths of "spiritual awakening" logically return to the path that Christ has set out before us in my own opinion, and I owe God my life.
the moral of the story is if anyone is in need of assistance and understanding, please do let me know, I may only be 28 but I have had my fair share of blessings, to suffer to such and extreme for the grace of God, both spiritually and somewhat physically, mentally as well. God let me experience these things so that I may shed some light on people that are in need of the truth and love that God brings us even through the endurance of confusion and demons, temptations and lustful needs, addictions and drugs.
Glory to the most High forever, peace be with you all, Amen!
