|I'm a 15 year old male. My element is fire, im new to magic so this is pretty much all i know so far. But i strive to be the best i can in every way, so someday i will be a master at this!
Cna yuo raed tihs??? Olny 55% of plepoe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! fi yuo cna raed tihs, palce it in yuor porfile.
Lost But Can?t Be Found
Hec was a young man who had grown up alone, always told to do things himself, figure it out. It had helped in some areas, as in being creative and free thinking but hurt in others, he was shy and scared of the world. Hec lived with his aunt, who was a single parent of two already, she had never really paid any attention to Hec, and saw him as free labour but also a nuisance. He lived with his aunt because at the age of 7 his parents had a divorce that led to a nasty end, his dad had beaten his mother, tried to murder her even. His dad got landed in the big house, and he lived with mother for the next 4 years until she had a conversation with him that he will never forget. She had told him that she was lost and had fallen far from God for too long, that she had to leave and go find him. She said she loved him then she walked out the door without even packing a bag. Later that day he heard on the news that a woman had driven off of a bridge in his town and she was saved but in the hospital with pneumonia and severe head trauma. He had realized that his mother had tried to commit suicide when he was only 11 years old. Hec had learned that day that God didn?t exist?
Hec hated living with his aunt, she and her kids taunted him with their glory and happiness with themselves. They believed in God and they worshiped him in almost everything they did, almost being they judged him for who he was and didn?t try to help him in his difficulties. Hec grew to being very secluded about his emotions and who he was, how he felt. Hec wasn?t sad though, he knew that if he let himself give up then he would be letting everyone down. At school he was the hero, he helped everyone feel great about themselves even though his life wasn?t all that great.
When he got home one day he learned his aunt was getting back together with a man that treated everyone in his family like they didn?t exist, he did that mostly toward Hec. He was upset so he ran to his room, locked his door and hid in the small area between his dresser and the wall. He held his knees and everything hit him, like a wall. He remembered every bad thing that has ever happened, his dad beating his hero, his mom lying about God. Then he remembered that he, himself, was the worst thing that has happened to him. He was gay.
Hec Hated himself so much for being gay, he grew up with every person he knew telling him that gay men should die, go to Hell, They shouldn?t exist. He told himself he could change, and he tried, everyday would look in the mirror and tell himself, ?I am straight, God Damn it!?. Hec even had many girlfriends to keep his mind off of it. But no matter how much he tried, when ever he looked at his male teachers and friends he would imagine things that made him blush, then he would look away and almost cry because it reminded him of how much trash he was for thinking that.
He had finally had enough, Hec couldn?t stand the pain of not being able to accept who he was, and having to hide it, never finding love. He had one friend though Madeline who he could share anything with, he decided that he would tell her that he was ?not straight.?, he used that term because he hated the word gay, it hurt him when he heard it, let alone said it. She said that nothing had changed and she would still be his friend. Hec was so relieved to have a real friend for once, but what Hec didn?t know is that she had severe depression.
Madeline had hung herself from her ceiling fan in her room the next week, Hec was devastated, He didn?t know what to do. He was in a sort of stupor for the next few months, he never talked to anybody at school, he only read. His Teacher, that he had crushed on for so long, noticed that he wasn?t himself, his smile was no longer there and when it was there it was fake and not really there. So Mr. K pulled him aside after school and asked if he was okay. Mr. K also invited him to come to church that next sunday. Hec Stopped believing in God at age eleven, he was 16 now so he was kinda scared to go but he had said yes because he liked Mr. K.
They went to church that sunday but they read in the Bible that being gay was a sin. Hec heard some rude comments about gay people in the crowd. He had started to feel hated inside and it was getting increasingly difficult to sit there without crying. Then he heard it, the comment that made him lose it, ?Gay people are disgusting freaks that should go kill themselves for choosing a sin over God, they are going to hell anyway!? Hec started tearing up and felt trapped, he was now gasping for air and was being choked by his tears and the thought of how he should just die. He noticed that a few people were staring at him and Mr. K was saying something to him but it didn?t register, so Hec ran. He ran outside the building and hid behind a bush. He wa leaning against the wall hopelessly crying, glad to have the bush as cover. Then Mr. K found him, ?Hey? is all he said, then he sat down and pulled Hec in and just hugged him in the silence. It felt amazing to have someone hug him, he had not been hugged since he was a small kid, when he had finally stopped crying, Mr. K asked the reason why Hec freaked out. So Hec told him, he told him everything from his dad in jail to him being gay and hating himself for it. Mr. K didn?t say anything he just listened, then when Hec was done speaking Mr. K just gave him another hug. Hec had started to cry again, he just wanted to sit there and hug Mr. K forever, it felt amazing that someone could actually care for him like that.
When he got home his aunt had asked where he went, she was angry at his response because she realized that he was the cause of the commotion that had disrupted church for her friends. She screamed at him at the top of her lungs and every ounce of hope that he had gained from Mr. K had drained out of him. This time he felt different, he didn?t just go hide in his room, he yelled back ?I caused a commotion because i am gay and i couldn?t handle people telling me i should kill myself like mom tried when i already want to!? then he ran to his room slammed the door and locked it, then he heard the words that changed his life, ?If you want it so bad then just do it.?.
He stopped throwing stuff off of his desk and looked in the mirror, he was confused, it wasn?t his aunt that said that, infact she was pounding at the door screaming and crying, telling him to not do anything he?ll regret. He looked down from his mirror to the top of his dresser where a bottle of pills is sitting for him in wait. He holds it in his hands as they shake terribly, he opens the bottle with tears streaming down his face. ?i just want it to end? he whispered then he put the bottle to his mouth and tilted his head back, he did it he swallowed every last pill in that bottle. Hec had laid down on his bed and waited for them to take effect, they started to make him sleepy very quick and at the last second he heard a voice, ?I have plans for you in the future, you?re not done, don?t give up.? it was the strongest voice he had ever heard, it was a voice full of hope and light. Then the darkness consumed him into a sleep that he will never forget, he dreamt of Mr. K and how he had just listened and held him. How Madeline had accepted him no matter what. He heard his mom?s words ?I have fallen far from God?, and he dreamt of wars being fought all over the world, wars against gay men and churches.
When he woke he was in a hospital bed, all he heard was the steady beeping of his heart monitor. He looked and saw that his teacher Mr. K was asleep in the chair waiting for Hec. Mr. K had heard Hec moving and woke up. He smiled at Hec ?You?re awake, they said you wouldn?t wake up for another day or so.? I looked at him and was amazed that anyone would care that much about him and that they would just sit there and wait knowing that it was hopeless. ?what happened?? Hec attempted to say. ?you downed a bottle of melatonin, but your aunt broke through the door just in time to get you here safely.? Mr. K said quietly. Then Hec remembered that voice in his head, it was amazing, he was accepted, it even even had plans for Hec. ?It was God, he told me not to give up.? Mr. K just smiled at Hec, and Hec fell back to sleep.
To Be Continued...
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You're just ready to
give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don't answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you're asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She's screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that, "Mommy is crying and sissy won't wake up." Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what's going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there's an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can't help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can't handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They're sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She's in shock. She can't believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad? Bad enough for you to end it. She can't cry, she can't feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It's a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone's crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he's too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days. It's two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn?t succeed like you did, but she tried? Your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don't just effect you. They effect everyone. Don't end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can't get better if you give up. I'm here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we've NEVER talked before, I'm here for you. Copy and paste this on your profile to show people there are people out there that care.