|I am a complicated person. I value many things. I am perceived by many to be disrespectful, largely because I have very high standards and do not give respect easily. To me, respect, like trust is something one must earn regardless of who or what they are. In my experience many confuse obedience with respect. They are not one and the same. One who obeys dose so because it dose not suit them to disobey. Some consider blind obedience respect, but it is the most hollow form of respect that could be. One who?s respect is truly earned may at times work against you or your orders, but always works for you and with you. They can truly be trusted because you honestly know where they stand. I prefer the later to the hollow former and it is the only form I give, in greater quantity as it is earned.|
I am honest. This does not mean I do not lie. It means I speak as I think and feal without reservation. If I feel someone is acting unwisely, or that a decision is wrong, and so forth: I speech. I don?t worry about being polite or wasting time with tact.
I am also willful. I don?t force others to act as I think they should. I respect free will. But, I do act as I think I should. Most consider me to be rash because of the speed and rageful manner in which I often act. I think before I act. I consider the consequences of possible curses of action, as well as many possible, and unintended actions. I rapidly consider which is best based on this analysis. Based on my ethics I react. I do what I feel is the action with the best result in the long run and short run for my self & others.
These 2 traits are often perceived to be rude as I rarely bother to explain my rash actions. Perhaps they are it is not my place to say.
I have many vises; my forerunners are my anger and vengeance. I suffer from both. To a point time has muttled and strengthened them. Some falsely precise me to have a kind and good nature. This is probably because I keep these vises in check. Even when I tap the strength they offer I do so with reason and restraint. Because I understand that to do otherwise does not serve me, my desires, nor others.
I seek many impossible things, and I hold stead fast on to the delusion that is hope. For this many have said I have chosen a difficult road. While I agree with them, and at time I want very much to choose another, it is not in me to do so. Because it is not in me to yield.