|Wow there's so much I could say. Umm, let's try just narrow it down to my essential beliefs at the moment and try give an idea as to where I'm at.
Always been rebellious, drank a lot in school, after college tried LSD, experienced inexplicable euphoria, months later a stranger gave me a book on the occult, I tried a meditation technique which blew my mind as literally as can be, the book never told me to but I just knew I had to give up everything to find... what I decided to call God, or Truth, and I spent years just in personal study. Eventually I gave up, became atheist, got a broken heart, went to church for healing and my spirit pretty much fell asleep there, for years. Now I'm slowly waking up again. From rigid dogma and blind religion and from dead tradition. I'm slowly waking up to the meaning of Life. One thing I can say is iv just realized that life and energy r not the same, otherwise ud call a batery alive. But its not. Unless u wana get all pantheistic about it. I duno maybe I'm wrong there.
I'm attracted to satanism. Just coz nothing else seems to enliven me nearly as much.
Iv been noticing there's a lot of mere opinion on the satanic websites tho. At least they all deny mindless cruelty or child etc sacrifices, - that seems to be the realm of psychopaths who happen to call themselves satanists. If satan is immortal as is, I think, universally believed, and he has to be if he must reign hell which is apparently eternal, then satan IS God. There is no dualism, no two immortal individuals competing for our souls like some sick never ending cosmic game. Maybe heaven is Spirit and Hell is its energy. Iv seen some eastern gods surrounded by fire, and I wouldn't b surprised if its related to the sun beams or halo's around the heads of images of saints. Anyway, as many satanists say, satan is literally a scapegoat people blame what they don't like on, or what they call anything that's different. Did u know Jesus' name ads up to 666? Easy to work out, see for urself, 9 is the highest single digit, represents assention. A=9, B=18, C=27... Etc, all along the 9x table. Also 6+6+6 = 18, 1+8=9. I can't remember now but I think the words christ, cross, messiah, jesus, gospel, Lucifer, occult, theism, ruler there's a few, their letter's geomatric number equivalent all add up to 666. Eg the word cross: C=27, R=162, O=135, S=171, S=171. Adds up to 666. Jesus and Satan are both referred to as the Morning Star in the bible itself. Anyhoo, just saying. My conclusion: left and right, God and Satan, all the same. What am I gona do about it? Learn magic of course and finally find fulfillment! I hope. Hehe. At the very least I'm finding knowledge very satisfying!