|WARNING: Yes! this is one of those annoyingly long bio's fill with utterly useless info you never wanted. If you choose to continue i wont be held responsible for lost brain cells,blood loss, the need to correct simple grammer mistakes,etc. If you choose to continue i suggest you have alot of free time to fill or your just bored shitless.-________- oh,where to start...|
call me Soul,you dont know me but id love to meet ya ;)
i like music.things ranging from a day to remember to divine heresy.if you dont like it stfu and get over it.its childish not not like people cuz musical diffrences.
i can be a carefree person,or i can be serious,it all depends on how you come at me.if you want to be a whiny little bitch i can cuss you out and tell you to grow some balls or i can help you out.its up to you.dont beat around the bush tell me what you really want, i hate people that lie all the time.
Ive been studying magic for years...like 5 years,(yeah sure its not a long time,so what, get over it)dont ask me what kind of magic i study unless you get to know me better.
the bottom line is,if someone needs help physically or mentally and you know about it you need to help them.i lost someone really close to me and ill never be able to get her back.never take anything for granted cuz you never know how long youll have it.
a word of advice...always remember that the freaks come out at night.
P.S. So...aparently some people think its okay to be creapers...its not. you know who you are,so stop it.
And,a word of advice,be careful who you make friends with-_- (even childhood friends apparently)they can get you into some shit you were never meant to be prepared for...ughh my life is officially over lol.
Sooooo,now that i have to much free time now that im to boreing for average conversation ill add more shit thats not gonna be read. for the wondering eyes that have actually made it this far....what the hell is wrong with you?! why are you reading this?are you suicidal to? will noone listen to your hopeless cries to? if so,you should message me and we can bitch together untill i annoy the shit out of you to.
I swear i fucking hate myself so much.
But seriously though,im dying,i dont have much time left so if you have something to say to me i suggest you do it soon. i just need at least one person by my side before my heart finally gives out. it seems like everybody is just leaving...do i smell like death? O.o oh wait lol no that smells is just some shit. some shit thats also called my fucking life.
Ughhh where the FUCK are my glasses?! enjoy your youth kids. if you grow up anything like me youll want to kill yourself to. and please dont get into drugs...people will come after you...trust me,it sucks lol. you can try to get high but end up getting fucked because you have stupid friends and youll end up in a grave... well...see ya in the after life X3
There is nothing i could ever say to make this easier to deal with. i tired of being alive,im tired of hearing the lies,i tired of living a lie. I cant fix anything even if my life depended on it. I cant take it anymore. Im worthless and selfish,theres nothing left for me here. Its time for me to give in and let the nightmares take me. My life here means nothing anymore without my purpose. Its time for me to go. Im greatful for all the friends that ive made here and all the people that have helped me. Thank you :)
...(some more shit u dont have to read cuz im bored @ 1 in the morning and have nobody)....
why does it hurt so much to just be alive these days?
it seems like every breath i take just poisions my lungs.
i wish i could rip my heart out so id never have to feel again.
how do you explain being trapped but feeling free at the same time? like a bird with unclipped wings sitting inside a cage? if birds really died from lonelyness id be s.o.l. i probably would have died as soon as i was born.
Whats the one way you can tell me and my sister apart? it used to be the way we talked,the way we acted,our tattoo. but now its more obvious. one of us is six feet under. but,...we'll be twins again pretty soon :) hopefully we can rest in peace together.
it seems,like so many aspects of life, everything is pointless, we're all fucked.
i think i can safely say that the most used toy in the entire world is the human heart. is haveing one worth all the trouble? im trying so hard to hold on but they its always futile. you dont care,i dont care,nobody cares.
Lol you can see how lonely i am if i can spend so much time writeing this useless shit that nobody will care to read, but maybe this'll be read when im dead. but the honest truth is,i could drop dead RIGHT NOW and it wouldnt mean shit to you.
i care to much for people that couldnt give two shits about me.
seemingly pointless conversation with you means so much to me.
im tired of rereading our last words and crying myself to sleep when i realize i cant hold you anymore. thats if i ever held you in the first place.
ive come to meet so many fragile hearts in this world,but none are more deserveing of love than yours.
HellohElloheLlohelLohellO....ughh thats confuseing. but,lol can you see it to?
Soooo....la di da di da,this is why stupid ppl shouldnt have profiles lol.
Hmmm maybe if i refresh the page ill see that you still give a damn about me...no? alright then,goodnight lol.
When i fall asleep at night i can still feel your warm hands around my throat...maybe thats why i finally fell asleep.
Is it a good thing to hope endlessly for something you know you want so badly,but you know it couldnt possibly exsist in a world like this?
I remember when i used to hope for that day.that day that id just forget everything. i used to hope that one day id wake up and realized everything was just a dream or a nightmare. then id wake up in a beatiful land filled with all the creaturs of imagination, somewhere where we could all be safe from the hands of man kind. but then i realized that if that was my reality,you would no longer exsist. and if you didnt exisist...no, those words should never be spoken.
I feel like im stuck in a glass box and nobody can see or hear me. im banging on the walls,screaming at the top of my lungs while the ones i love move on with their lives. they cant even remember my name ive been gone so long. or- do they just not care anymore? they know im here...watching and waiting...ive been waiting so long...why dont you care about me anymore?
Everynight my heart achs like someone reached into my chest and squeezed it. those are the pains that dont leave bruises. the fist marks on my back can be hidden easily, but my heart ach is even easier to hide. i tried to reach out to you,i wanted to tell you what happened so you could save me...but,you didnt care either.you only reached in and rang all the blood from my heart.
Im trying to scratch the dried blood off the floor from our last fight. now that im done crying and the monster is at work, i can go back to cleaning and then my love will be waiting for me. but when i got there...you were with someone else...who else can i turn to when the monster keeps trying to kill me? if i dont have you,then i must be already dead...i have no choose but to give in to the nightmares when you block me out...it looks like ill have to become a monster to,maybe if i bleed enough ill forget you left me alone in pain. maybe if i killed myself youd remember that i was once a person. maybe if i just watched you from your window youd feel me like i always feel you. maybe if i slit my throat open youd want to hear the words i once tried to tell you. maybe if i cut my hands off youd wander what my touch would have felt like on the days you pushed down when i reached for you. maybe if i cut off my feet youd wonder why i stopped following you. if i cut out my heart,would you even notice when i stopped caring?
You know,this world never ceast to amaze me, there really are some powerful workings here. im not exactly livin the fluff life, so untill i have proof im not to much of a believer. if you say something to me that sounds like fluff im not gonna write you off,ill play along, everybody deserves a fantasy in this screwed world but please give a girl sum proof. i have been proven wrong before, and eachtime i get it ive been deeply involved in it X3 ahhh i love proof.
Im started to loose track of time,i cant even remember what day it is untill i have to be somewhere. i dont even mark my calendar anymore, the way my wounds are healing tell me that a day has passed. it feels like ive been waiting for someone to save me for weeks now...but then i realize its only been two days. i keep forgetting what year it is, a part of me doesnt even really care anymore. i forgot who was suppose to save me...i dont think he's coming back.
I dont want to think or feel anymore. Id rather sit with the monster and let it beat all sense out of me again. feeling that would be better than hopelessly waiting for someone that never intended to save me. maybe it'd be easier if i just let the monster take my life the next round. it's not like i have much left anyway.
im realizeing how greatful i am for the friends i still have. just because my heart stopped beating and my purpose has left me i must still be "alive" for a reason. i want to use the rest of my time here to help people. so...if for some reason your STILL reading this and you need help,message me and i'll try my hardest. even if you just need someone to talk to. i like makeing new friends :)
and just a forewarning,i cant do spells for you. notice i said Cant, not Wont, theres a diffrence. umm hmmm....whatever :/
why is it that no matter what i do there never seems to be a point?
everytime i try to open up to someone,they get taken away. if they dont leave me like they unknowingly promised something,or someone will take me away from them. i guess the best thing i could ever do is shut the fuck up,stop complaining,stop giving a damn, and never try to get back up again. everything really would be better if i just died and never told anybody it was comeing. if i were to just fade away silently...
i cant take it anymore. i really cant. ive done nothing but take shit every fucking day and i never get paid for it. well fuck it! if im gonna keep takeing shit from everybody i hope i die doing it. im not gonna kill myself,i wont give you what you want anymore. it took me years to stop being the way i used to but now,that shit is done. i always do what i can to get there to help and when i cant be there i have a valid excuse. so,why the fuck is it that when i need help i have to go in alone? i always get fucking lied to about the stupidist fucking shit. i can deal with the truth,i dont care if it hurts. id rather be in pain than go on living a lie.im tired of always being the last option.i obviously dont mean shit,probably cuz thats exactly what i am,right?a piece of gullable,stupid, useless,hopeless,needy,whiny,fucking shit. i dont even exsist anymore,fuck it.ive done everything i could to make people happy,help people out,i tried to stay away from the things that i knew would lead me straight to my grave just so i would be there to help. but you know what? Fuck it! im done! im tired, and noone gives a damn. i know what i have to do and where i have to go to end this bullshit. since my life,my opinions,and my feelings dont mean shit,i might as well just be dead to the world instead of just to you. dont look for my body, ill make sure that the people or the monster hides it when theyre done.
So...to anyone thats actually still reading this...good job! you just survived a chaper of my shit XD give yourself a pat on the back!! okay,but really tho, this is the end. ever since i ran away from home my life has been a downward spiral. and on top of that,i found out that the monster is seaching. and he wants blood. so now i wont have to find death,he's coming to get me. and im not gonna run this time. im not gonna go down w/o a fight tho >:) im ready now. if this year has tought me anythings its to never give up. ive made some really awesome friends here and ill miss you all TT-TT but death is calling and we all know how unpatient he can get. And,to the people that werent exactly my friends...FUCK you and piss off! lol jk but seriously IDGAF what you have to say now just keep hateing,it'll only keep my memory alive XD
ANYWHOOOOO~ DA DA LA LA ~
hmmm whats left to say? o.o
oh! to my sisters and brothers (u know who u r X3) Stay strong! and never let the world bring you down! (even tho most of u were stronger than me XP) but sometimes you have to face the fact that sometimes the things we want the very most just cant exsist in this world and its okay to break down but NEVER stay down. we all can rise from our ashes :)
and to all the people that actually helpped me and didnt stab me in the back... thanks so much for teaching me and putting up with my shit XP youve all made me a better & stronger person :) and to "you" even tho i have no soul, you still have all of my heart. ( u know i Really wish i could have explain it to u b4 "dissapearing" but i never really got a chance if u think abt it)
****do do do da da da*****
so theres a crap load of songs i could use that remind me of my friends and my current life chapter so to pass time ill add their names( everyonce in a while) so you have some more stuff to read incase ur bored and dnt know wtf im blabbing abt XP
BOTDF-Bewitched, Star Power,
Sleeping With Sirens-If im James Dean...(lol i dnt feel like typeing the whole thing XP stfu)
Kendrick Lamar-Bitch dont kill my vibe :p
Knife Party-Internet Friends (lol guess who this song reminds me of!)